Over the last few months, South African politics went through a seriously dark time. Forget about the rampant corruption in government, the failing education system and the horribly unjust toll fees in Gauteng for a moment. Wonkie is referring to the dire prospect of losing Julius Malema, aka Juju, to national sensibility.
But enter April Fool’s Day – the most fitting day for Julius Malema to launch his comeback with a vengeance on Wonkie. Fashionistas all over Cape Town fawned over his classy Che Mampara beret having barely recovered from seeing him in his trendy purple pimpsuit last year. The DA wondered what suspension in ANC terms actually meant, given Malema’s measured speech at University of the Witwatersrand in Johannesburg last week, fully clad in ANC gear. Wonkie does not care about any of these things – Wonkie cares that Julius is back.
As Wonkie endeavours to learn from all creatures big and small, smart or moronically stupid, here is an executive summary of lessons learnt from Juju’s recent oratory performance:
- If you have a protégé that is from a different race to yourself, it means you are not a racist. Wonkie is unsure, but believes that this is akin to providing indisputable proof of non-racialism by merely stating that actually, some of my best friends are … (insert race group here);
- You can say you’re willing to die for someone, but that someone should know that nothing is forever. Wonkie wonders if Jacob Zuma sings Where is the love? when thinking about Juju in the shower;
- Studying business at Harvard must not be very demanding if Jonathan Ovadia, Malema’s protégé, can be prancing around in South Africa taking tuition from Malema – perhaps now is the time to sign up for that international degree you’ve always wanted;
- In South African English, “driving the whites into the sea” actually means allowing them to retire peacefully with luxurious coastal properties – DUH to those of you who foolishly thought Malema meant that literally when he first said it – shame on you;
- Being the voice of the poor and voiceless can be expressed in many ways, including wearing a R250,000 Breitling watch on behalf of 250,000 poor people that cannot afford watches themselves – it all balances out in the end, if you think laterally.
Tongue away from cheek for a moment though, one issue that Malema has identified is quite valid. There is a large percentage of the South African population that doesn’t really have a voice. These people vote for the ANC in elections because there is, realistically speaking, nobody else to vote for but them.
Wonkie wonders how long it will be before the likes of COSATU grows a pair and really champions the cause of the poor and unemployed, without pandering to the ANC political bigwigs that are more inclined to be governed by self-interest. Perhaps if COSATU can stop the e-tolling debacle from continuing, they will have laid the platform to launch a real party for the people – one that addresses the needs of the masses, not just the black elite and old cronies. Until then, the South African poor will have to rely on Julius.
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