There is nothing quite like a sensationalist headline about religion to get juices flowing. This article, however, has little to do with the Easter Bunny, who is incidentally currently on treatment for severe depression. It does have everything to do with mental mayhem of another type though.
2012 has been a tough year so far. The world economy is in dire straights, Julius Malema is looking bloated – Wonkie is hoping it’s just gas and not some cardiac problem, the threat of e-tolling in South Africa continues to loom on the horizon, the impending end of the world is getting closer (have you packed?), Robert Mugabe is reported to be in critical condition at a hospital in Singapore – just to mention a few of the reasons that got the Easter Bunny so down.
What strikes Wonkie as amusing is that, despite these macro-level challenges, the small human mind seems to be preoccupied with making mountains out of molehills. To provide insight to readers, Wonkie called on its famous international think tank to produce some answers.
The think tank carefully considered all relevant facts and recently published this summary analysis in a peer-reviewed journal:
- People tend to feel strongly about things that give them hope or a sense of purpose (e.g. chocolate)
- If such things cannot be found, humans have no problem whatsoever making them up and pretending they’re 100% real
- Humans are actually descendents of sheep not apes as Darwin would have had everyone believe. This is further corroborated with the fact that humans exhibit a strong herd mentality
- A corollary to Murphy’s Law is that there is at least one idiot in every herd
- Because of the internet and growing ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), symbolism and substance are easily confused. Wonkie blames the iPad for accelerating this phenomenon
- People get very protective about things that they feel strongly about – this is largely a consequence of not being breastfed for long enough when they were young
- Fuming rhetoric and violent behaviour is often exhibited when said people reflect upon their childhood feeding regime
Findings: Empirically speaking, the research proved conclusively that when a herd idiot gets symbolism and substance confused about something that provides hope or purpose, it’s definitely time to leave the chocolate factory.
In light of this insightful research, Wonkie is curious to know your thoughts about how un-Christian it is to brand hot-cross buns as Halaal food, or for that matter, how evil it is to have a Christian food go through a Halaal certification process. Judging by the public reaction to this big issue, this is a pressing matter that must be resolved if mankind is to progress on its spiritual path.
If you’re beyond debating about religion and have had enough of zealots for this year, then you’re out of luck. You can probably expect more heated commentary as the world approaches Armageddon later this year. However, if you owned your own island, you wouldn’t need to worry about it, right? So, why not get your act together and buy lottery tickets online now. Alternatively, if you’re convinced you don’t have symbolism and substance mixed up, check out some of the best online casinos worldwide, Silver Sands casino in South Africa or dabble on some casino in India. In either case, don’t shoot the Easter Bunny if things are not going your way at the moment – he’s got enough problems of his own!