As Wonkie joins many of you in recovering from the January Blues, Wonkie thought it best to ease into the year with a relaxing Photo Caption Contest. In this week’s Friday Fun, Wonkie challenges readers to submit their funniest caption for the little rodent’s prayer.

Given the exciting start to the year following Moonbeam’s 2012 star sign predictions, our rodent certainly has no shortage of content to be praying about. Whether it is world peace, the recovery of the European economy, the return of Julius Malema to South African politics, that the ridiculous Gauteng toll fees remain permanently delayed, or quite simply nuts, the intensity of the prayer and the apparent alignment of several rodent chakras makes Wonkie believe that there is a good chance that the prayer will be answered… so please choose carefully!

The funniest entry in this week’s challenge will be awarded a glorious, newly designed, 2012 Wonkie CartOOns T-Shirt. Wonkie looks forward to receiving lots of whacky comments. As always, Wonkie kindly requests that if you’re going to submit multiple entries, please submit them all as a single comment instead of lots of individual ones – thanks.

Have fun and enjoy the weekend! This caption contest closes on 6 February 2012 when the best entry will be published and the t-shirt awarded.

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ps: If you are wondering how come this little creature appears so calm and focused in the midst of such global hardships, read all about the benefits of life coaching here!

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If you haven’t already, be sure to visit Wonkie’s other recommended blogs. If you’d like to check out updated offers on silver sands casino or on the top online casinos South Africa directory, Wonkie has recently updated these pages. If you’re based in India, you should check out the latest online reviews on the best online casinos in India site.

For previous photo caption challenges, please visit Wonkie’s photo caption contest archive pages. From next week, Wonkie returns to its former self with some exciting articles on BBBEE, economic development, education in South Africa, human trafficking and more… stay tuned!

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Moonbeam Williams, Wonkie’s resident astrologer, is putting together a special annual horoscope tying together some major world events in 2012 with the zodiac. Below is a preliminary summary of the report. Moonbeam’s final astrological analysis will be available on 31 December 2012 and is expected to be, as usual, 100% accurate in all its predictions for the year.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 21) – Being the aggressive, ambitious and often over-confident person you are, you are likely to lead the South African national revolt against the introduction of exorbitant toll fees in Gauteng. With trade union backing, you will bring the national highways to a grinding halt for weeks until the issue is resolved successfully with a 0.5% drop in toll fees. You will then go on to violently campaign against the job losses you helped enable by encouraging mass action. It’s ok though, what really matters is that you were right.

Taurus (Apr 21 – May 21) – With down-to-earth pragmatism, you will be quick to point out that the number of deaths in the revolution in Egypt in 2011 amounted to less than 80% of the total South African road fatalities over the December 2011 holiday season. Since Hosni Mubarak faces the death penalty for his actions in Egypt, you begin an active lobby to have the South African transport authorities executed. Fortunately for Sbu Ndebele, your activism fails miserably. However, you do go on to write a bestseller on how to get your driver’s license without having to take a test.

Gemini (May 21 – Jun 22) – Your quick-wittedness finally pays off in 2012 as you use your skills to write eloquent speeches for presidential candidates in over 20 countries where national elections are taking place, from Moldova to Zimbabwe. Sadly, your evil twin has the same idea and makes as much money selling the same speeches to the opposition parties in those countries. You subsequently wind up on the most-wanted lists of over a dozen countries.

Cancer (Jun 22 – July 23) – 2012 is the year you truly embrace your crabby self and build a machine, the EmotoPower, to harness the power of emotional outbursts. Given the massive increases in the price of oil over 2012, you and your machine are suddenly befriended by many Western countries. Things go very well for you over the year, until the USA decides to invade Iran because, well, they can. Your extreme emotional burst at that point overloads the EmotoPower and the entire project literally ends in a sea of tears.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 24) – Your true leadership abilities come to the fore in 2012 when you undertake to coach Barack Obama in preparation for the US elections later in the year. After the first two hours of coaching, you decide you would be better off running for the presidency yourself. Your hard-hitting campaign throws off the opposition and creates enough national confusion to facilitate an unlikely presidential candidate getting into power.

Virgo (Aug 24 – Sep 23) – As a tidy clean-freak of note, you are hired by the City of London to clean up after the eventful 2012 Olympics. You befriend the oddest looking mascots in the history of world events and store millions of them neatly in warehouses around the world. Strangely enough by the end of the year, you know each of them, by name. They are your friends and you will never let anybody harm them. Ever.

Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 23) – In a stroke of good fortune, you are accidentally hired by the Eurozone countries to help balance their books and resolve their crisis. Your best-in-class indecisiveness when trying to figure out the best way forward is so astounding, that it shocks the Eurozone market into making a radical decision. You eventually rationalise that being persona non grata in Greece, Ireland and a few other countries was a small price to pay for global economic stability.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 23) – About half your year in 2012 is spent in anticipation of the Marvel super-hero movie, The Avengers. Convinced that your extremely vindictive nature should have at least landed you a cameo in the movie, you are very disappointed that the video clip you had recorded on your mobile phone was not used by the studio. You decide to exercise your wrath on Hollywood which sadly, does not end well for you. Still, on the upside, you do wind up getting international fame when the BBC interviews you on their award-winning documentary about stalkers and the people that love them.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 22) – Your outgoing nature allows you to make the massive ANC centenary celebration a party that lives on throughout the year. In fact, you get into the Guinness Book of Records, for starting the longest afterparty ever recorded in history. The ANC, incidentally, also makes the record books in 2012 as the first political party that tried to create 5 million jobs by splashing out on a lavish party. The party leadership would later be quoted as saying “Well nothing else worked, so we thought we’d give it a shot.”

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 21) – Being industrious, practical and productive, you decide 2012 is the year you will leave your mark on the world. You move to China. There, with your new iPhone 5, you impart your significant materialistic aspirations to the masses. This plants the seeds for the political upset of the decade. You later decide to start a magic show after it is proven that you single-handedly managed to turn Chairman Mao in his grave.

Aquarius (Jan 21 – Feb 20) – Enigmatic as ever, you are responsible for numerous political revolutions, interesting coversations and technological innovations. Some will speculate that you are the creator of the soon-to-be released Windows 8, or the instigator behind the latest anti-corruption campaign in India, but nobody will ever really know the truth – except you. You will receive frequent offers to attend world events to add some mystery to the proceedings.

Pisces (Feb 20 – Mar 21) – You spend the entire year dreaming about what will happen after the world ends in December 2012. Most of all, you wonder whether the fish will survive. Realising that it may well be your last year, you quit your job and decide to travel to India to find some spiritual answers. There, you exercise your creativity to the maximum and wind up making a small fortune on some colourful afterlife posters.

Wonkie and Moonbeam Williams wish you a very happy 2012. Please remember to take all your vacation before 21 December 2012, just in case the Mayans are right. Wonkie looks forward to spending its last year with you.

If you are still recovering from a New Year’s hangover and still need to make your resolutions, be sure to check out this great make New Year resolutions article today.

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In many countries, it is traditional to gamble a little to kick off the New Year. In case you fancy trying your luck you may want to check out the top online casinos worldwide, a casino in India, or the best online casino South Africa directory for options. If you prefer more entertaining choices, then please visit Wonkie’s suggested sites for alternative recommendations on other types of sites.

Related Wonkie posts on New Year and 2012:

1. African Dictator New Years Resolutions
2. 2012 End of the World
3. US election cartoons
4. Barack Obama wins US Elections

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This is a quick post to thank all Wonkie readers and wish them well over the festive season. It has been an eventful year with the North African Islamic uprisings, the global economic turmoil, the death of Osama bin Laden and the untimely demise of brother leader Muammar Gaddafi. Add to that the suspension of South Africa’s beloved young lion, Julius Malema from the ANC and it is clear that the world really does need to pause and catch its breath from the intensity of 2011.

For Wonkie, the last year has been an exciting one – it crossed the 12,500 mark for regular readers and now has over 5,250 fans on facebook. There were MP3 players, Wonkie t-shirts and an iPad that were won over 2011. Wonkie even received prime-time international TV coverage with its commentary on world issues. It has honestly been great reading your commentary too – thanks again for voicing your opinions. Wonkie looks forward to having an amazing start to 2012.

As a little gift for those of you who a need a non-taxing challenge over Christmas period, adjacent is a little Wonkie Christmas puzzle for you.

Best wishes and safe journeys if you’re travelling – please don’t drink and drive!

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Wonkie thought that by now, you’re probably tired of reading headlines claiming that COP17 was a pathetic failure. You’ve no doubt read stories about how many delegates simply rehashed their speeches from previous COP meetings, and how the Americans effectively gave global warming issues the cold shoulder once again. You’ve probably also seen lots of pictures of cute females in floral t-shirts scampering around in their hotpants campaigning to save the planet.

Well now, Wonkie urges you to STOP. Take a deep breath. Stop wondering why you’re sitting in a dead-end job and had not been invited to that fun party by the sea. Stop imagining how great it would be to stop shaving your under-arms and not care about it (Wonkie believes many green people do this because everyone else stops breathing for a few seconds when they see it, thereby reducing CO2 emissions in the immediate vicinity). Stop thinking what if you could randomly travel abroad to attend week-long climate change conferences, and get praised for achieving nothing of consequence. Stop it right now. Those privileges are reserved for a select few.

Wonkie’s international think tank, which incidentally was banned from the COP17 climate change conference because of its controversial views, suggested publishing some of its findings and recommendations here to better inform the public of the real facts, options and constructive ways forward. Wonkie’s place at the conference was taken by archbishop Moletelo Molaba from Qwaqwa who offered his 100% guaranteed solution for climate change: prayer.

Below is an executive summary of Wonkie’s COP17 research report:

1. COP is waste of time and money since the most powerful players are not really interested in change. America, which emits more CO2 than a process-optimised Mexican bean factory, is clearly not taking any helpful steps forward. India and other developing countries want to be like America so they’re not keen on changing either.
2. Since no country is really doing anything constructive, it makes sense for the public to either (a) embrace the fact that climate change is here to stay; or (b) take steps to make the change themselves
3. If they select option (a), now would be a good time to set up swimsuit businesses in Bangladesh and the Maldives and also to buy loads of sunblock
4. Also following from option (a), Wonkie forecasts huge job creation in the Siberian real estate market. A temperature rise of a few degrees there would probably make it a great candidate for the next housing boom and subprime crisis.
5. For the die-hard green activists, option (b) might be more attractive. Following months of gruelling research, Wonkie’s think tank came up with the ultimate technology solution for climate change, illustrated below.



6. Wonkie has already approached the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation for funding the prototype. If you would like to make a contribution to save the planet for your grandchildren, please get in touch today and we’ll tell you how you can help.

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As the year comes to a close, drive safely to wherever you’re heading and please don’t drink and drive! We look forward to reading your thoughts on COP17 and climate change in the comments section below.

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Be sure to check out Wonkie’s related article on Robert Mugabe and the energy crisis.

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1st December is World Aids day. Following on from our know your status from last year, our guest author, Engineer-Chic takes a critical look at the infamous It’s my culture defence. Wonkie and Engineer-Chic look forward to reading your comments on the post below:

A recent news broadcast caught my attention: a Filipino maid was sentenced to one year in jail in Dubai for having sex with a man she said was her husband… and falling pregnant. Gasp! I thought to myself, “even if she were lying about being married, come on, it’s 2011! How could such an apparently modern society still hold such openly repressive and biased views on female sexuality? What kind of society would allow that?”

A feeling of relief came over me as I remembered that I belonged to a progressive and liberal society – in a democracy whose constitution allows me the right to equality in relationships, to have my sexual choices respected and above all, to have the final say in when and how I reproduced. ‘I am lucky‘, I thought, ‘to live in South Africa‘. The feeling of relief receded as I thought about a couple of dominant cultures in SA, and the roles that women play in our diverse communities. Strong links exist between certain cultural norms of the majority of our population and SA’s overwhelming problem with the spread of HIV/ Aids – the practice of polygamy for instance, or the lack of relationship bargaining-power – typical of various South African cultures. The same can be said for the high rates of violence against women in South Africa.

Just then, the voice of Jacob Zuma came to mind, flaunting his famous line: “It’s my culture”.

A myriad of Zapiro comics and Wonkie posts flashed through my head as I remembered our shower-clad President’s (many) caricatured appearances: his multiple wives, dozens of children out of wedlock (ooh, boy – don’t let him anywhere near Dubai!) , rape accusations and general philandering ways. I wondered how his wives felt about being put at risk of contracting STDs due to their husband’s ‘cultural rights’. I thought about the thousands of South African women who contract HIV/ AIDS from their unfaithful partners – unable to refuse sex or request the use of a condom because this is seen as culturally-inappropriate behavior for women.

Although our President’s actions, like the actions of many South African men, were in direct conflict with any rational notion of what respect for women meant, somehow just saying the magic words, “but it’s my culture”, made everything okay.

To be honest, I think South Africans go a bit overboard with trying to preserve cultures and traditions – a spill-over from our divide-and-conquer, apartheid past. Culture is important, but culture is always changing – always evolving in our globalising world. Nevertheless, our Bill of Rights states that each of us has the right to enjoy our culture and have them respected. Our founding fathers (and mothers) fortunately had the foresight to add a disclaimer to this otherwise-blank cheque: you may exercise cultural freedom as long as this is not inconsistent with any other provision of the Bill of Rights… like say, owning the rights to your own body? Or the right to protect yourself against the risk of HIV/ AIDS? Or maybe, the right to have your dignity respected and protected?

But don’t get me wrong – I’m not just picking on our President’s culture for its biased and unconstitutional ways. If I had to think about the diverse cultural groups that coexist in SA, I’d be hard-pressed to think of any that don’t exhibit severe gender biases – whether it be stigmas borne by divorced women (Indian culture), rape/ violence against women (all cultures), sanctioning of polygamy (Muslim/ African cultures), persecution of women – and not men – for displaying some form of empowerment (all cultures), or the view that a woman’s contributions to society has to be approved by men (ultra-conservative Afrikaner). These discriminations have been cemented into the fabric of our society over generations – so much so that even our President can get away with it. The USA, while it is by no means perfect in terms achieving gender equality, certainly would not have stood for Bill Clinton trying to claim his ‘cultural-rights’ with Monica, for example.

Our Head of State has clearly shown, again and again, that culture trumps constitution. In doing so, he has sanctioned gender inequality and given South African men a means to wash their hands of all their wrongs with respect to disrespecting and abusing women: all it takes now is a simple “It’s my right! It’s my culture.”

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As we enter the 2011 festive season, perhaps you feel there is more chance of winning a massive lotto if you play lottery online than of ever achieving gender equality in the world. If so, then all Wonkie has to say is do not lose hope so soon! For the risk takers amongst you, check out Wonkie’s top online casino South Africa directory or try your hand on the best Indian online casinos today. Alternatively, check out Wonkie’s other suggested entertainment for more.

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Related Wonkie articles on AIDS/ HIV:

• Jacob Zuma HIV status
• Zuma shower cartoon

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Today’s post is the first in a series on African role models. Over the next two weeks, Wonkie will take a look at some of Africa’s strongest personalities – the good, the bad and the very, very stinky.

Given the brutal killing of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi last week, Wonkie thought it fitting to start the series with what the world can learn from the great Libyan Brother Leader:

1. Start as though you mean to go on – forever. African youth should learn that persistence matters – not only in matters of education, but also in politics. As long as you believe you are doing good for the people of your country, you should have the strength of conviction to stay in power. Don’t let anybody, locally or internationally, tell you otherwise.
2. Getting what you want takes hard work in life and politics. There are no silver bullets, even if you do own a golden gun.
3. Friendship is important when times are tough. Even though friends like Idi Amin and Saddam Hussein died, knowing that the likes of Jacob Zuma and the South African government has got your back just gives you that extra will to go on in difficult times.
4. Sharing is caring and charity begins at home. This is the reason why Colonel Gaddafi distributed most of Libya’s wealth to his own family and close friends first. Were it not for the NATO airstrikes, next year Muammar would have delivered on the second half of his 84 year wealth distribution plan – giving back to the people.
5. Don’t judge and help those in need. It is worth remembering that the terrorist organisations of today could well be the malevolent dictators of tomorrow, so be generous with your support to those who ask for your help. True to this maxim, Gaddafi supported the IRA, Australian Aborigines, Maoris and more. He sponsored terrorism (sorry, freedom fighters) and radical movements in at least a dozen countries.
6. Strong leaders unite people. The ends justifies the means so even if you unite the masses in pure hatred of you, then that’s ok. The fact remains that they are united because of you.
7. Aspire to big goals. Remember that one man’s vision is another man’s delusions of grandeur – don’t let the myopic views of others hold you back. Whether you support the United States of Africa, ethnic cleansing or a revolt against evil powers, think big.

Muammar Gaddafi was killed On 20 October 2011 by some unappreciative Libyan citizens. This was much to the dismay of some senior South African politicians and one of their local role models, Julius Malema, who appeared devastated by the news. The worldwide media took the event as an opportunity to publish sensational photos of Gaddafi’s bloodied body in his final moments – purely as news of course, not for sales.

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It was only a few weeks ago that Colonel Gaddafi met the Guru to ask him a question that had been troubling him – check out this Muammar Gaddafi cartoon to view the Guru’s response.

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If you’re thanking the lucky stars that you were not dragged out of a sewer and killed last week like Gaddafi, continue to push your luck today and buy lottery tickets online now. For even more fun, try out Silversands online casino, one of the top online casino India, or the best South African Rand online casinos. For other options, visit Wonkie’s best of the web for more.

In case you’re still reading and are disappointed you have not found anything distasteful here as yet, here are some Muammar Gaddafi jokes that have been doing their rounds following his death:

• “People in Libya want Moammar Gadhafi to leave. The problem is, he’ll be replaced by his idiot son, Moammar W. Gadhafi.” – David Letterman
• “These NATO strikes on Libya are costing $100 million. Or, in Muammar Gadhafi terms, that’s like five Beyonce concerts.”
• “President Obama is getting criticized from both sides for having no clear exit strategy to get out of Libya. But neither does Gaddafi. So I think it balances out a little bit.” – Jay Leno
• “Poor guy – and he was so close to making general #Gadhafi.” .. twitter reaction on Ghaddafi
• “And with him dies the secret of Lockerbie and how to spell his name #ghaddafi #qaddafi #khadafi #gadafi” .. twitter reaction on Gaddafi’s death
• “It was reported that Muammar Gaddafi was surrounded by an elite core of female bodyguards. In a related story, Charlie Sheen invaded Libya.”
• “Gaddafi killed. Libyans thrilled. L’Oreal haircare stock plummets.” … twitter reaction, France.

Other related Wonkie articles on Muammar Gaddafi, Libya and Osama bin Laden:

• South African Rebel Uprisings
• North African Islamic uprising
• Jacob Zuma resolves Libya crisis
• Osama bin Laden is dead

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In breaking news today, the Blackberry service appears broken. Perhaps even more devastating to the business world and to the millions of teenagers who can’t afford iPhones, BBM is down.

BBM, or the Blackberry Messenger service as about 23 people in the world call it, has grown in popularity internationally. When it’s working, it’s particularly handy as the service allows blackberry owners to send messages and photos to each other for free – regardless of where in the world they are. When it’s not working, however, the impact appears to be severe, as is evident at present.

Suddenly, hoards of people emerged from elevators the world over mumbling about the ills of mobile technology. If only Wonkie could find a way to harness all that negative power and chuck it into one of those overly-positive life coaching conferences – the world’s energy crisis would be no longer.

“BBM is not working… AAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH!”

… Blackberry user – Ulan Bator, Mongolia.

Wonkie’s team of experienced psychologists have attributed the state of global despair to people being forced to communicate without using their fingers. The consequences may be dire if this continues for an extended period, not least for RIM, the manufacturers of the blackberry device. RIM has already seen its share price tank due to tough competition from Apple and Google smartphone devices over the last year.

If you are a blackberry user and are experiencing withdrawal symptoms, nervous twitches and random urges to mouth out acronyms like LOL, ROTFLMAO, and TTYL, you are advised to seek medical attention immediately.

Wonkie is curious to read your thoughts about cell phones, and whether you could honestly live without them now – please leave your comments below.

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If you’re a crackberry user and can’t think of anything entertaining to do whilst there are blackberry problems and your BBM not working, then ask The Guru for some advice about what you might do… his insightful comic responses may distract you from your woes.

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Other related Wonkie articles on technology and Barack Obama:

• FIFA technology
• Barack Obama cartoons

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Last week, Wonkie was invited to appear on BBC World to discuss the foreign intervention in Libya and next steps for the country. This arrived on the back of a rather interesting week in South Africa. Whilst president Jacob Zuma was prancing around overseas, local youth rebels Julius Malema and his cohorts, were causing havoc in the Johannesburg city centre. In fact, if you saw the video footage outside Luthuli House, you’d find it difficult to believe there wasn’t some tape mixup with one of the recent North African uprisings.

At first, it was all quite puzzling for the Wonkie team. Why was Jacob Zuma out of the country in such a politically sensitive week? Why did South Africa boycott the Paris Friends of Libya summit? What was Jacob Zuma really asking for in Norway?

Over the weekend, Wonkie reporters went deep undercover to bring readers worldwide The Whole Truth. At 02h13 on Sunday, after siphoning some vodka into secret sources in a seedy nightclub just outside Oslo, the shocking reality was confirmed. Jacob Zuma was in Europe in a proactive attempt to secure the legitimacy of his government, and to request NATO intervention in South Africa against the rapidly growing rebel movement.

This made perfect sense given that South Africa has seen how UN resolution 1973 had been implemented in Libya. Clearly, Jacob Zuma could not risk NATO and the international community coming to the aid of the local Malema-led youth rebel movement. They would simply bomb the blue lights off his government’s brigade. So what choice did he have but to ask for NATO’s assistance first!

Seriously for a moment, it would be completely naive to believe that the UN no-fly zone would result in anything other than what actually happened. Since Mr Zuma is well-known to be politically shrewd, and far from being naive, what would South Africa stand to gain by boycotting the talks about Libya’s future? Further, what would South Africa gain by holding out on recognising the National Transitional Council (NTC) as the ruling authority in Libya – especially since most of the world’s real powers have already recognised it?

A few scenarios spring to mind in response:

1. Colonel Gaddafi has Jacob Zuma and/or the ANC regime by the testicles – who knows about what – but arms, money, etc come to mind immediately as possibilities
2. Jacob Zuma is positioning South Africa to be a player to be reckoned with on the world stage – e.g. no decisions can be taken about the legitimacy of a government in Africa unless South Africa agrees to it
3. Mr Zuma could be eyeing one of Gaddafi’s family members as his next wife – for context, see Wonkie’s Jacob Zuma cartoon
4. The NTC needs South Africa’s blessing as South Africa is a dominant player in the African Union. Mr Zuma is playing hard to get now, to negotiate a better oil deal later on
5. Supporting the NTC and attending the Friends of Libya summit would be akin to supporting Julius Malema and his local rebel movement – how inconsistent would that be?

One of the above reasons aside, Wonkie feels that South Africa has missed out on an opportunity to contribute significantly to the well-being of Libyan citizens. Besides the obvious benefits South Africa could have gained for itself, the experience of locally-led transition to a true democracy would be invaluable for Libya. The challenge going forward for Libya now is not the capture of Gaddafi, or rebuilding of infrastructure. It is one of governance and putting the correct institutions and processes in place to lead the country effectively.

Meanwhile, back in South Africa, the ANC made a decision last week to potentially make a decision affecting the future of Julius Malema.

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If you, like Muammar Gaddafi, are wishing you could think of a good exit strategy – and fast, consider hiring an experienced business strategy coach to help you. For more about business coaching, visit Fusionfields Strategy Coaching now.

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Related articles on Libya:

• How Jacob Zuma resolves Libya conflict
• Muammar Gaddafi cartoons
• the North African Islamic revolutions

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Following last week’s heated commentary about Desmond Tutu’s suggestion to tax the whites, Wonkie thought it was time to get readers thinking on a completely different track. Here is some long overdue Friday Fun to hopefully get your mind off taxation, the second coming (of the Great Depression), the introduction of the stupidly high toll fees Gauteng, etc.

Wonkie thought that this would be a great photo to remind readers, that no matter how bad you think things are right now, they could always be worse.

NB: You are welcome to submit more than one caption. Wonkie does request though, that you put ALL your entries in ONE COMMENT please. Thanks.

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The best caption will be awarded a juicy tender or Wonkie CartOOns t-shirt.

If you are not a regular Wonkie subscriber as yet, now would be a great to time sign up and put yourself in line to Win an iPad. The competition is open to all confirmed Wonkie email subscribers and ends on 31 October 2011 – sign up today, it’s free!

This caption challenge ends on 5th September 2011, when the top entry will be announced… think hard, have fun and enjoy the weekend.

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If you, like the giraffe above, are in a tight spot and need a good strategy fast, consider using the services of an experienced personal strategy coach. You will be surprised at what you can achieve in a very short time. For more details on personal coaching, visit Fusionfields Coaching today.

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Wonkie did wonder whether this giraffe is still pondering what numbers to select if it were able to buy buy lottery tickets in Trinidad. Now would certainly not be a good time for it to reflect on whether it should take a chance on the best online slots UK or the best online casinos period!

If photo caption challenges are not your thing, be sure to check out Wonkie’s recommended sites

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The world hit a rough patch over the last week: the USA had its credit-worthiness downgraded by an international rating agency; looting and riots are erupting all over the UK; the famine is claiming more lives daily in Somalia; and Moolius Jalema inadvertently contracted mad cow disease. Are all these events tied together somehow? Is this a sign that the world will end in 2012? All these questions, and more, will be answered in this week’s Wonkie article.

The executive summary answer to all the above questions is… Yes.

Undercover Wonkie researchers have been working all through 8th August 2011, Women’s Day in South Africa, to bring you this special World Economics report. Our legal advisors advised us to inform you that absolutely no women were harmed in the production of this report.

The story begins about 7 years ago, when an entrepreneurial Somalian named Amadayo Hafifi decided to start his own venture. Life in Mogadishu was tough, but somehow, he managed to get his business plan accepted into a local incubator. Under the guidance of his mentor, he toiled for months, honing his strategy and abducting small pieces of metal and wood from nearby parked vehicles. By December 2006, he had completed phase 1 of his project. He had built what was to be the first boat, of a fleet of awesome boats.

A month later, Amadayo had recruited a full crew, many of whom were lawyers that assisted celebrities through the “adoption processes” of African countries. Strangely enough, they were the only ones that managed to ace the battery of psychometric evaluations required by his rigorous recruitment process.

On February 14, 2007, he set sail with his crew in Phase 3 of his business plan. As most well-meaning MBAs will fail to tell you, luck is often an unfortunate essential to business success. Fortunately for Amadayo, his crew proved to be very lucky. Their first customer happened to be a British cruise ship that had somehow veered off course from Ibiza (don’t ask). And so Amadayo’s asset relocation and structured finance business took off. In fact, he was one of the few Somalian entrepreneurs that made the international news quite frequently.

Over the next 2 years, Amadayo’s venture blossomed. He relocated assets and cleverly reinvested the proceeds into building bigger ships and hiring more crew. Wonkie reporters managed to obtain a recorded phone call in which Sir Richard Branson invited Amadayo over to his mansion in the UK. He had made it big.

Making the most out of every opportunity as always, Amadayo took time out during his trip to watch his favourite premiership team, the Spurs. There, by pure coincidence, he bumped into 2 football hooligans that he had befriended during his first customer meeting on the British cruise ship. A believer in fate, Amadayo hired them on the spot. His crew was truly international.

Then, in early 2009, the cycle turned. Amadayo had decided to diversify and sunk a huge chunk of his portfolio into the futures market – for rain. Little did he know then, but he was about to fall victim to a little-known Norwegian scam called the Bjorn Milky. In a matter of weeks he lost everything: his ships; his entire crew; 4 of his teeth; and Somalia’s entire rainfall supply for the following 3 years. His girlfriend left him for some blonde guy named Jurgen. Even the 2 ruffians from London, whom he had grown rather close to, made their way back to the UK. Sad times fell upon Amadayo.

Determined not to be set back though, in May 2011, Amadayo discovered he could “win” a green card to America. When he arrived by raft in Miami, he started a small venture selling stuff on eBay after being turned down for a hedge fund job at Goldman Sachs. Being entrepreneurial of course, he found a way to sell other people’s stuff, often without them even knowing about it.

Within a month, he was wheeling, dealing and back in the money.

It was all going very well, until early last week. In an ambitious transaction, Amadayo managed to sell an iPod nano for $6.4 Billion to the US treasury. Unfortunately, this very transaction flagged all sorts of credit score triggers which ultimately led to Black Monday, the downgrade of America’s credit-worthiness. Not surprisingly, the rating agency was S&P, the geniuses who gave Lehman Brothers a AAA credit rating right up to the point where it collapsed into a heap of stinky dung.

Sadly, the story does not end there. The iPod nano that Amadayo had pre-sold belonged to a gentle, elderly man in Tottenham. In fact, he was the grandfather of one of the two hooligans he had hired back in the good ol’ days in Somalia. The grandfather was not happy to find his iPod nano missing. When he hacked into Britain’s extensive CCTV network and saw that his grandson had stolen it from him, he was even less happy.

It was the last straw, and he decided to teach his grandson a lesson. He walked to the local pub and saw his grandson’s car there, with his iPod nano neatly nestled in the sheepskin seatcovers. In a fit of rage, he petrol-bombed the car. Soon, the locals gathered around and cheered and protested against anything and everything: the economy; the low level of welfare grants; football scores; a guy getting shot by the police; you name it, and they went mad about it.

Before long, one car on fire seemed lonely. So the crowd set another alight, and then another. Then, it just went out of control – one chap in the mob wanted a McDonald’s burger and didn’t have enough money, so he decided to loot a charity store. The rest, is current affairs.

Wonkie’s actuaries have modelled the current rate of world destruction and found that it fits a pear-shaped distribution, almost perfectly. This means that in all probability, the world will likely end by December 2012, as predicted by those calculating Mayans.

Wonkie urges you to take heed and ensure you enjoy every moment of every day, especially now that times are tough.

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If you’d like to adopt a fresh, innovative look at your business, consider using business strategy coaching to open your team up to an ocean of different perspectives. Alternatively, hire a facilitator for your strategy or brainstorming workshops and ensure you get the maximum value out of your session.

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Given the dire state of the world, perhaps now is a good time to buy lottery tickets online Jamaica to ensure you make the most out the next year and a bit – 2012 is not far away! If you’re feeling even luckier, try playing at the top online casinos in India, the best online casino in South Africa or visit Wonkie’s blog directory for completely unrelated options.

Related Wonkie articles on Barack Obama and the financial crisis:

• Barack Obama cartoons
• Mugabe advises Obama on financial crisis

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