Julius Malema appeared before an ANC disciplinary committee last week. Malema was represented there by Mathews Phosa and the hearing was adjourned to today, the 11 May 2010. Wonkie decided that this week’s post would be best dedicated to support Mr Malema in his hearing. His immense contribution to South African politics, humour and the anti-depressant drug market shall not pass this day unrecognised.
Today’s disciplinary hearing is supposedly intended to tackle Julius Malema’s continued singing of the Shoot the Boer struggle anthem despite the song being deemed hate speech by the relevant South African authorities. Julius also naughtily called a BBC journalist a bloody agent and b*stard before booting him out of a press conference last month. He is also accused of undermining South Africa’s alleged role as mediator in Zimbabwe by openly supporting Mr Robert Mugabe of the Zanu-PF over the opposition MDC. The ANC Youth League, of which Malema is the president, were traumatised by the fact that some ANC officials had spoken to the media about the disciplinary hearing.
In other news and much to Julius Malema’s relief (from media coverage in the South African press), Teazer’s strip club owner Lolly Jackson was killed in a hail of bullets in Kempton Park last week. His unfortunate murder and related stories – mostly about Lolly’s scandals and humour about Ukrainian lap dancers now stranded without passports – made headlines for almost a whole week. Also in the papers, were stories about how close South Africa had been to losing the Fifa 2010 World Cup due to security issues. Boring. This once again leads Wonkie to believe in the understated importance of Julius Sello Malema to newspaper sales in South Africa.
So, in support of how we love Julius, and building on the positive momentum as we move closer to the 2010 kickoff, Wonkie decided to capture some of the moments that made the man so great. Please feel free to add your personal favourites in the comment section below.
Top Julius Malema jokes
(listed in no particular order):
1. Official recall notice from the South African Post Office (Source: unknown)
SUBJECT: Julius Malema STAMP
REPORTED PROBLEM: Stamp not sticking To envelopes.
REMEDIAL ACTION: The Premier’s Office allocated R1.5 Million to test said stamp.
FINDINGS:
a. The stamp is in perfect order;
b. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive;
c. People are spitting on the wrong side.
2. A range of excellent Zapiro cartoons on Julius Malema (Source: www.zapiro.com – please visit Zapiro’s site for many more!)
3. The Joys of Photoshop (source: various internet emails, WitGat, Watkykjy Afrikaans blog)
4. A joke spotted on www.theforumsa.co.za:
President Jacob Zuma met the Queen of England earlier this year. He asked her: “Your Majesty, are there any tips you can give me to run a government as efficiently as you do in the UK?”
“Well,” replied the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Zuma frowned. “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea and said: “Oh, that’s easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.”
The Queen pushed a button on her desk and said: “Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair walks into the room and said: “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiled. “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and Father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me, your majesty.”
“Yes! Very good Tony,” replied the Queen.
When president Zuma returned to Cape town, he asked to speak to Julius Malema.When he arrived, Zuma asked: “Answer me this please, Julius. Your mother and your Father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” replied Julius. “Let me get back to you on that one.” Julius returned to his advisors and asked everyone, but nobody can give him an answer. Finally, he ended up at the V&A Waterfront and bumped into Mark Lottering.
Julius looked around to see if anyone could overhear them, and he whispered: “Mark! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Mark whispered back: “That’s easy. It’s me!”
Julius smiled and thanked Mark before heading back to Parliament to speak with Zuma.”I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Mark Lottering.”
Zuma got up, stomped over to Julius, and angrily yelled into his face: “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
5. Some great Jeremy Nell cartoons on Julius Malema (source: Jeremy Nell)
6. In case you haven’t tried it yet, if you go to Google and type in Julius Malema is you’ll get a list of autocomplete suggestions from google that read as follows:
7. Some fantastic satirical articles and swag on Hayibo including this Julius Malema t-shirt print that is available for purchase.
8. Wonkie’s own Is Julius Malema a racist cartoon post amongst many other Julius Malema cartoons:
9. Another funny joke spotted on a South African discussion forum. There are plenty more for you to check out on a site dedicated to Julius Malema’s antics – check out Classic Malema:
On a recent trip to the USA, Julius Malema, addressed a major gathering of native American Indians. He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for South Africa and how he envisioned nationalising the mines.
At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name – Walking Eagle.
A very chuffed Malema then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Malema.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of sh*t that it can no longer fly.
10. Let’s have your choice… please click on the link below and add your favourite Malema jokes to the comments section!
Wonkie wishes Julius Malema well over his disciplinary hearing and hopes that he gets what he deserves. Given that the turnout of the people supposed to be imposing the discipline was so poor last week, Wonkie will not hold it’s breath.
.
.
Also check out the latest news on online casinos in India here if you’re based on the Indian subcontinent, or Wonkie’s very own online casino page if you’re based elsewhere. Alternatively, some of the larger gaming houses like Silversands casino are reputable and accept international players.
.
(19 raters, Click a star a star to rate this article)
Loading...
.
I dont get your point Wookie..do you have issues with the man
The whole sa has issues with him lmao
My favourite is Julius and the Pope
Julius Malema and The Pope are finally on the same stage in front of a huge crowd outside the Vatican.
The Pope leans towards Julius and says, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”
Julius replied, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me.”
So the Pope slapped him.
Sorrie my English is not so great but here is mine:
Koos sien ‘n man wat uit n ‘dam water drink.
Koos: “Moenie daai water drink nie daars bollie in”
Die man: “I’m Julius Malema – speak to me in English”
Koos: “use 2 hands you gets more that way.”
JULIUS IS NIT N` DOOS
Dear Mr Reaper,
Today I’m very sad. You took away my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett & my favorite pop singer Michael Jackson. Then you followed by taking my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze. Still that wasn’t enough. You then took my favorite boy band singer, Stephen Gately & my current favorite actress, Brittany Murphy.
Mr Reaper sir, I made peace with this, but please remember that Julius Malema is my favorite future politician.
Regards,
Bongani
Here are some more I found posted by t-bang on skyscrapercity.com:
Jack: Where were you born?
Malema: South Africa …
Jack: Which part?
Malema: What ‘which part’? The whole body was born in South Africa .
———————–
Malema and his friend were fixing a bomb in a car:
Friend: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
Malema: Don’t worry, I have one more.
———————–
Malema: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.
Malema: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
———————–
Malema joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what Malema did till evening.
Malema: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
———————–
Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken!!!
Malema: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!!
———————–
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Malema: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
———————–
Malema: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Malema: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ‘KAYA FM Radio!’
———————–
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Malema: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..
Interviewer shouts: Stop it!!!
Malema: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…..
———————–
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Malema: An old king’s skeleton.
Tourist: Who’s that smaller skeleton next to it?
Malema: That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child .
Stop making Jokes about my hero. he achieved the yourth league presidency and what did you achieve
yes only if you call being a big headed bafoon an acheivement.
They appoint any piece of shit youth league president.
Julius had died and landed in hell. One hour later the devil arrived at the Golden Gate in heaven. Peter asked him the purpose of his visit. The devil answered “ever since you sent me that Malema I had nothing but riots becauce
the air-conditioning broke down and Julius could not fix it.
I’m asking you to let me in for political asylum.
julius malema is the role model for youth in mzasi and there is nothing enemies can do to him.
Nice one guys.. great to have them all in one place! Needed a good laugh today!
He he he he….here is another one.
Julius Malema and his chauffer were rolling down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly.
Malema tells his driver:”Go to da farm over dere and hexplain to da honer of da pig what happened.”
One hour later, Malema sees his driver coming back from the farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in the one hand and a cigar in the other.
“What happened to you?” Malema asks.
“Well, the farmer gave me the bottle of wine, his wife a cigar and their 19 year old daughter made wild passionate love to me.”
“Hau, what did you tell them?” asked Malema.
The driver answered: “Good evening, I am Julius Malema’s chauffeur and I have just killed the pig.”
I enjoyed all the jokes relating to Julius Malema stories but the one inwhich Jacob Zuma asks him ‘what can he call the child that is not his either brother nor sister but is from his parents’ is the one that drove wild with laughter. Keep them coming, they’re lovely.
To Bongani, Peter and Mvembe. Why is it when any dumb-arse black is joked about, you’ll take exception????? What did Malema give to you, eh Peter, his sister or his mother?
Wonkie why is like you are on agenda to bring our 100% president malema down. is like you are suporting that malema must be suspended within the ruling party. so let me tell you that you won’t succed with your mission cause your not the one who make malema to be the president
MALEMA IN AFRIKAANS IS ALSO MAL EMMER. MAKE NO MISTAKE WE NEED THE JU JU EMMER IN THE MANY TOWNSHIPS AS THE BUCKET SYSTEM IS STILL IN DAILY USE. AS JULIUS IS SO FULL OF IT A LITTLE MORE OF IT WILL NEVER PHASE HIM. ZUMAS LITTLE MINI ME IS COSTING THE PARTY A BIG PLENTY VOTES. AG SHAME ZUMAS ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE IS VERY COSTLY.
nice jokes, keep them flowing in
nice jokes keep them coming
myself
I see you refer to some “man” in your post….could it be that “mal emma” fool you regard a “man”?
Masilo,
I am sure you never passed one math-test ever and don’t know what the expression “100%” means. To help you a bit,…. a “bring down” is what druggies hate most as it refers to the period after the highest high of the trip…so;.. mal emma is in fact the ANC’s worst “bring down” and that is the most imortant job anybody around here had in a long time as it is no easy task to “bring down” a party with brainless supporters 😉
Bongani
Looks like mr. reaper has it against you or against all your favorites…I really hope the ANC is your favorite government too and that the HNP never becomes your favorite!
mvembe nhlapo stoffel
Some of us here know since the beginning of time that fools like mal emma is the mzani role model..that’s why we support apartheid as the sane can’t get a madman sane but the stupidity of a madman can get a sane person go mad!
Peter Lebea
To “achieve” something in africa the continent of the fools, you need be the biggest fool of all and that’s not an achievement, it comes naturally for most africans and english speakers
If the world were to give South Africa an enema , our beloved Julius Malema would be the place. and what about the(en) ema in malema.
Chris, in an interview with Julius:
C: “They say you have a big head with few brain cells.”
J: “Nobody can use them all at once.
C: “OK, what’s one by one ?”
J: Gee! that’s easy. Eleven – a football team – you should know that”
C: “Phew! OK, try this one. What’s two by two”
J: Oh, that’s old Arch Tutu, you know.”
C: “Let’s rather go on to something else. Try this:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck,
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”
J: “You really got me there Chris. I didn’t do well at woodwork.”
please lets be supotive to Mr Malema what about the flag that AWB was using it meaning the appardate flag this shows that there is still separation between use and them
Julius Malema gets to a news conference drunk. Reporter asks him “Julius, why are you so drunk?” Julius “I partied” Reporter “Eish stop playing the race card again
I theink the boy Malema need to be punished seriously
I think the man Malema need to be punished seriously to obey the count
leave my hero president alone you are not taking the future seriously what have you achieved you blooddy……
To Julius Malema’s dismay he noticed that he was starting to turn white from the face down one morning as he looked in a mirror. Horrified, he consulted teams of doctors who could come up with no explanation or cure. Every day the whiteness progressed until he was white down to his waist.
Remembering an old witch doctor that his parents had consulted, he drove to Limpopo to seek the old man out.
To his relief the old man was still alive, and immediately told Julius that he knew what was wrong with him and could cure it immediately. Julius had to drink 3 buckets of horse manure mixed with water.
Reluctantly, but believing the witch doctor implicitly, Julius did as he was told.
To his relief, the whiteness immediately disappeared and he was back to his old chocolaty brown self once again.
It was simple really – Julius just needed ‘topping up.’
After all the recent Bull tossing, Julius finally found himself.
‘On the warns of a dilemma’
the Question frm 3rd “do you know my job juju asked debra she saind no then he reply my job is 2 talk” make me lug,,,,
Ever since you published these jokes, my day is revived especially when I am down. Keep sending.
I REALLY LIKE MALEMA THE ONLY THING I HATE IS RACISM. ANYWAY HE’S THE MAN
KEEP THEM COMING GUYS, I LYK IT
hahaha ever dog has its day , thats something for malema to know!!!!!
The walking eagle!!! for sure.
I don’t love Julius Malema, but i also don’t hate him. I think he opens his mouth before he thinks about what he is going to say. and his confidence is too high, wich makes his statement(that dont make sense) seem REDICULOUS and HILARIOUS!!!! If he could just watch what he says in publuc then the ANC would lead fo the next DECADES to come. But at the rate that he is going it would be amazing and shoking if ANC wins in 2013. Julius should STOP with the RACISM b’cause its giving a racist name 2 all dark-skinned South Africans. but All in All i found the Julius Malema jokes HILERIOUS. good work guys!
Malema is my hero…
I really dnt lyk da dude bt dnt hate him either…i lyk his confidence, he speaks da truth whn ever necesary…go juju boy
malela O LA MUTHOTHO WA MUGABE, he is a DICTATTOR TAKEN IT FROM ZIM
Malema is my hero. I mean, without him, where would I find really good jokes to turn a good day into a great day?
Thank you! this has made my day! i laughed so much! really keep up the good work!
Face it Melema is a jackass.
cant understand how he became president of the youth league.
NO WONDER SOUTH AFRICA’S EDUCATION SYSTEM IS SO MESSED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Julius…..Casper……Julius……. Can’t decide yet. But they nare good commedians!!!!
Fact. Ju ju will be president one day. Never underestimate the power of dumb people in masses.
i wonder if he julius knows about ubuntu, and some of you others who have such a respect for him.
he and you all should go back to grass root level and learn the ethics of ubuntu
kwikwikwi. the entire ANC is a joke. im a black youth and i have lost all confidence in this party, and i think i speak for many youths in this regard. but what does it matter a whole bunch of illiterates are gonna vote for this rubbish party anyway.
To respond to Peter Lebea’s question Most of us have achieved at least 85% for wood work and a sence of humour.
I love how the comments from May where a few tools said Malema is the leader of the Youth League and can’t be harmed. Hahaha, look at the tool now, he’s less than nothing in the eyes of his own people now. Peter, Stoffel? Yeah, I’m betting you’re pretty proud of your “intelligent” comments now.
P.S. WoodPro’s comment for the win!
Someone broke into Malema’s study and stole five of his most favourite books over the weekend. He is so upset because he wasn’t finished colouring in three of them.
Notice how the people defending Julius are the ones with bad spelling and grammar…just saying…
hahahaha.Love malema jokes…wat a doochbag!@!!!
mosrt of you guyz dont want to see a black diamond shine, if malema was white u cuold nt hv spoke shit abt him
Julius Malema is the future President of South Africa wether you like it or not.The ANC is grooming him for that role. But i know u will think is a another joke and you start laughing.
keep the jokes coming julius malema is a loser
PS:nyc 1 jay thats a winner!!!!!!!
haaibo ppl. when i find you peepool you are going to be sori. you are a small boy, you cant do anything. you dont know me some peepool call me walking eegal
whos a small boy????????????????????????????????
yah thats rite walkin eegle btw its eagle nt eegle
Why does JUJU have a flat head and thick lips?…because the toilet lid falls omn his head when he drinks water
julius julius julius wat happend 2 u shame on u?????
You have to understand Kiswahili to enjoy this one.
Julius is a kuma and so is Zuma
can u explain it in english
@ruby111. Kuma is a pussy. haha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha i get it now
send some 4 my
wat mst we send u??????????
koena moet net nie jou kak praat nie hy is fokkol van my anc is fuckup
lol u go selvin
our best bus driver to hell,
I know this aint the matter of race but lets face it, White peepz hate Malema more than Blackz do but, I understand clearly why. Most black people are channeled, voting just because we given Teez with a Zuma or Mal emmer face
Julius Malema was so ugly that when he was born the doctor slapped his mother.
ONE DAY IT WAS JULIUS MALEMA, JAY Z, AND TWO BODY GUARDS….THY HAD AN OFFICE AT 30TH FLOOR OF THE BUILDING…THY R ALL USD TO AN ELIVATOR…ONE DAY THE ELIVATIORS WERE BROKN,,ND THY WERE URGENTLY NEEDED TO GO TO THE OFFICE…THE OTHER BODY G INSISTED,,,”GUYS LETS CLIMB UP THE STAIRS”…THEN MALEMA SAID OK ,THN THEY ALL SAID “OK”…THE OTHER BODY G SAID “LETS TELL STORIES , MAYB WE WNT RECOGNISE THE PRESSURE”… ZUMA MADE A JOKE,,,,123 THY WERE AT FLOOR 10…THE 1ST BODY G MADE A HORRIFYING STORY…123 THY WERE AT FLOOR 20….THE OTHER 1 MADE A ROMANTIC STORY…123 THY WERE AT 28….MALEMA WAS QUIET… THY SAID JUJU CUM WTH WAT U GAT,,,, HE SAID “I HAVE A SAD STORY”…. OK ‘THY SAID’…..MALEMA SAID I FOGOT THE OFFICE KEY INSIDE A CAR…
i here u gents you are bizy talk about malema.who the hell is that pig. he’s got a sexual anger
malema mean someone whos ploughing in the farm. so he was a farm boy and treated back that y he hates mabono afrikaaners
malema is a loser 4 those wu lyk him……. wu wud b so000ooo00 stupid aniway?
All the people I read through that like malema or call him a hero can’t spell guys us is not spelt use. That dumb even for a 10 year old like my brother. I asked him to read it and he picked up a lot more but ‘us’ is the stupid est of all. Peace have nothing against black people but malema is da dalema. Peace
I tell ya; that Malema boy is the most racist kid the world has ever seen. Him calling Zille a racist and not helping the blacks and the poor. Malema my monkey boy; open your eyes, because she traveling the country to help them. Better go back to playschool, because you belong there with your IQ
julious malema love cigarette very much….after smoking he licks his fingers
hahaha julz is a fuckup he fukin promises people stuff bt wat does he gic them fokkel if u agree with me post a comment if u dont post a comment as well,
Numb Nuts Malema and his girlfriend are invited to a fancy dress party.
He tells his punda to go and look for the costumes.
That night, when he gets back from work, he finds on the bed a SUPERMAN costume.
Shouting, he says to his punda: “What the f*#k is this? When have you ever seen a black SUPERMAN?”
The punda is upset.
The next day she exchanges it, and chooses another costume.
When the he arrives home, on the bed he sees a BATMAN costume and he shouts:
“You are f*#king mad woman. When have you seen a black BATMAN? Go and change it for something better.”
She is now very annoyed.
She returns the costume and buys various things.
On the bed she places 3 white buttons, a white belt and a wooden pole.
When Julius returns and finds the objects on the bed, he says to her:
“What’s this lot?”
She responds: “Its so that you can choose your costume: If you take off your clothes and stick the buttons to your body you can go as a Domino, If you don’t like that you can wear the white belt and go as an Oreo biscuit, If you’re still not happy you can stick the pole up your ass and go as a “MAGNUM”
All black people are a joke; Malema is the face of the stupid black youth called the darkies.
For those of you old enough to remember, J.M definately reminds me of a dude well known in Africa, called GENERAL MAJOR IDI AMIN DADA, former prez of Uganda.
vaalseun jy is reg man. Julius speaks like Field Marshal Amin. They speak broken Ingilishi and they are both uneducated.
Go Johannes, gooi nog water. Peter….sorry my man, get a life.
Please send me jokes too guys i would like to have a good laugh also ive been reading these so im interested
juliet juliet juliet whata joke all people that like him are probably fuck0ups 2 jst like juliet
hey guys ilike the guy a lot that is why i love jokes about him more especialy the one about how 2 start a motor it kills me when the interviewer ask 2 stop i just imagine the look on his face when doing the dhruuuuuurrrrrr thing
My english teacher taught me anything starting with Mal- is bad. MALfunction, MALnutrition, MALtreat etc. So I guess that includes MALema(20% for woodwork – enough said)
These joke are hilarious
please tell me something nice
buti malema nna nka thaba kudu kudu ge oka dira ore maseleng a bana a nyologe nyana ka gor renwa ka gona.lol
mara wena juli juli o telela koko zille wy?
Juliass was spelling something over the phone.The caller asked him how do you spell it. juliass goes aw mampara it is so easy “sugar , s for eskom, u for europe, g for g a for 8ta and r for …..ai theres no r in venda
omigosh julious is 0000 retarded
ps:”frikken doos” nice 1 its frikkin ass funny and sounds like typical malemole
Ruby,no thanx for the encouragement.See now you got me started…
Juliass was doing bad at school so he decided to get a job.He went to the mlungus in Sandton looking for work.The one baas,he asked Juliaas if he can paint.
Ja baas i can paint but I am not good with woodwork and my friend Lindiwe is very good at making tea.She working for Helen.What you want me to paint?
Mlungu baas asks him to paint the porch.Now you know Sandton houses the porches are very big. Juliaas says he will paint it for R50.00 The baas is very heppy.He gives Juliass the paint and tells him to start.
Inside the house the madam asks mlungu baas how come the boy is doing it so for so cheap since the porch is very big.The baas says i “think the painter is a plaasjapie.”
Twenty minutes later Juliaas comes into the house to tell the baas that he is finished and that he gave it 2 coats as he had lots of paint.The baas asked how come he’s finished so quick.
Aw Baas it was a small car and you said it was a Porch but its actually a
Ferrari
lmao where do u get all da jokes 4rom???????
Howzit Ruby, I make them Up.If you are not a black diamond you must be a white ruby…sorry no pun intended…lets re-phrase -you must be white,Ruby?
@ruby – Juliass is so retarded if he was a car, he won’t start- (ask a mechanic oke about retarded cars)
What do you get if you offered Juliaas a penny for his thoughts?
Change.
Juliaas was filling out a job application form.
He quickly filled out the columns entitled: Name, Age, Address, etc.
Finally, he came to the column: Salary Expected.
Juliaas wrote, “YES.”
I went to last years ANCYL congress as an observer(spy)
There were 6000 comrades meeting there. Juliass was in charge.
Juliaas says, “We are all here today to prove to the mlungus we youth league comrades are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?” Comrade Shivambu tromps his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
Juliaas asks him, “What is 15 plus 15?”
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, “Eighteen!”
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 6000 comrades start cheering, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”
Juliaas says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 6000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broad cast media here, eish, I guess we can give him another chance.” So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”
After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, “Ninety?”
Juliaas looks at his cheat sheet and he is mal, he looks down and just lets out a dejected aikona — everyone is disheartened — then Shivambu starts crying and the 6000 comrades begin to toyi toyi and wave their hands shouting,
“GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!”
Juliass unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance — What is 2 plus 2?”
Shimvambu closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”.
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 6000 comrades jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…
“GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!”
i am “white” ruby
aw Ruby no tenda for you.(just joking)Did you like my last joke?
the is still a hope
yeah*** ur last joke was frikkin ass funny lol
how old are u?
Howzit Ruby, Thats a tough one.Going on 43 but the chicks think I am 33 so I leave it at that.
oookkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeey thought u were like muuuuch younger *im nt trying 2 be rude*
@ruby. eish got issues with the ex even. You know the not growin up spiel. My last chick was 24… so you know the sayin …you are only as old as your girlfriend.
But not to digress we got Juliaas to work on…..
FYI , I am not sure if this true, but Juliass was interviewed on SABC and was asked if he would have committed suicide if he failed matric. Juliass replied that he would never do that, he would rather kill himself first.
(not my joke)
Juliass got a job in the M&M factory – Proofreader
Q. What was the worst six years of Juliass life?
A. Matric
dude u relli funny do u hav fb?
jullius ” why do you draw me like a Pig?
cartonist ” i draw what i see”
@ruby111 – Jislaaik this is my third try to post and the page just disappears.I had written some classics the frikken page …tbc
@ruby111 ….keeps disappearing. I thawt it was Juliass Intelligence guys but my spellchecker threw it out as you cannot have Juliass and Intelligence in one sentence.Something bout it being an oxymoron. Hey you could actually call Juliass an oxy moron – is that the same as thick moron……tbc
@ruby111 …. whats with the ruby111 HEY! you could be an JM mole trying to trap us as enemas of the state
@frikken doos………seriously omw i wud never b juliASS
do u have faceboook?
@ruby111skustok I was meant to reply bout the FB. and as I was saying the blog kept goin down.
I am just a figment of my imagination so Juliass won’t find me.I do have some FB aliases but I use them for some other nefarious practices. Now that FB has facial recognition software I have to go deep undercover.
I use [contact details removed by moderators – please guys, it’s not allowed] for email, but how would I know its you writing?
I have some pissed off ex-gff”s and you know they are always stalkin your FB account.
Juliaas has probably asked his oxymoron department to find me in the white pages. “Look for that Frikken guy, he thinks he’s cleva , check under Doos F.
Have you noticed I am sending short messages now.Thats just to lose my trail in-case they tapping my online presence.
@ruby111 …seriass as for the above lines , if i write something that seems bs it probably is.
I just wrote a whole lot of stuff and my databundle expired so it did not post.So here’s a rewrite if I can remember correctly. I am sim like in SWF. but I just look like one(sim) cos I like really chinese and potjiebrood. Thats food I was talkin bout.
I live in the DRC ( Democratic Republic of Cape).We hoping for an earthquake,
we might have like a Gulf of Pofadder and we will be separated from the not so New South Africa.
Juliaas won’t be able to come here because of the swimming. Ask madiba. 27 years and theses okes could not swim to Blouberg.
@ruby111 eish I see the moderator skopped my email address out.friikkendoosatgmailfillintheblanks.
How come the other bloggers don’t comment on our posts .They are probably juliaas mules(pun intended)
Do you know Mike Sutcliffe (Durban Municipal Manager ) and No 1 ANC BN (brown noser) . I was on his case once but I was too busy to post blogs. Anyways this guy caused Durbanistan to lose their…
@ruby111 …their blue flag status.Its the International standard that says theres no poo in the sea water. Any BN Mike fails the test but is arrogant about Durban not needing the accreditation. He is also an Intelligent fool cos he’s got a moerse (not a rude word in DRC) lot of degrees. You cannot tell this oke anything. He sommer knows everything.
He is the most disliked oke among the “white rubies” in Durbanistan cos he’s mos a …
@ruby111…cos he’s mos an Oreo.White on the outside and black inside. Anyways he sommer thinks that Blue Flag can take their approval and shove it.I then had to do my civic duty and do some protest theatre.(I just made that Up)
Some good t-shirt slogans should help. I had some t-shirts made.They are collectors items only for the brave. Here’s some ..you might like it ..
for sexy mike : “Mike Sutcliffe Likes dirty Beaches” geddit
for intelligent mike : Mike Sutcliffe – Durban’s one man stinktank
eish have to stop cos we will get banned if we forget we are on a Juliaas joke blog…
lol thanx my email is ruby60096009@gmail.com
plz send me an email then illl tel u if u got da riter person 🙂
VIVA MALEMA VIVA THE MAN HIMSELF?? almost
u weird
@ruby sorry dude been bz….gonna drop u a mail asap
We hav to up our game. Juju is prezident again but then every village needs an idiot.
Juliass asked Floyd what time it was, and he replied it was 4:45. Juliass with a puzzled look on his face replied,
“You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”
Malema posts: “hi friends my sister just had a baby but I don’t know if its a girl or a boy so I’m not sure if I’m an uncle or an aunty”X_X
@isaacsa good one. but we all know Juliaas is a her-maphrodite (poofter in Tswana).we can call him Auncle Juju
a bbc journalist asked malema why theres so much crime ib south africa.Malema answered saying that it was because of guns.The jounalist then asked malema if he could spell guns. certainley he said G -for jesus ,U-for Europe, N- for anything and S-for Eskom
hesrd that joke b4 dude
hey ruby, r u gonna sue this guy for me for hijackin my jokes?
Malema se pa het n A vir houtwerk gekry
Hy het ndoos met een spyker gemaak
Die BBC se joernalis se naam was TED Malema het hom reg aangespreek
BAAS TED
@klu klux , oorspronklux
lol ant u the funniest guy dude ever 🙂 maybe i should sue him 😉 *wink wink*
@ruby – hey lawyer have u been to my FB page yet??
3 guys walk into a? bar.
The are scheming how to get into the Guinness Book of Records to make some money.
The first guy says ” Ok ,I have got the smallest arm in the world”
The second guy “I have the smallest feet in the world”
The third guy “I am the stupidest guy in the world”
The 3 guys go to the Guinness? World Records
The first guy comes back and says “I? really do have the smallest arm in the world”
The second guy comes back and says “Amazing, I do have the smallest feet in the world”
The third guy comes back angry ” Who the hell is Juliass Malema?
How do you confuse Juliaas?
Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.
Juliass went for an IQ Test.
His score started with a decimal point.
yoh yoh yoh ant u no know jst how 2 make my day 🙂
Do not argue with a doos. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Can some-one tell Juliass that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and confirm it.
Juliass tried biology in school,until his friend asked him to check if the cloth smelt of chloroform.
Juliass wanted to do skydiving.He asked his instructor if it was like his matric. If he did not succeed can he try again?
Julius mama sooooo fat, I ran out of petrol trying to dodge her nasty ass……
Ther was a day wen malema commited alot of sinz nd people came 2 hm nd said that he had 2 die becoz he commitd 2 many sinz so there wer 3 people includin malema so the had 2 choose a way 2 die either get sho in the head,hang urself or they inject u with hiv nd aidz.so the first guy said he’d prefer being shot in the head baaam he got shot,second guy said he’d prefer being hang nd he got hangd then finally the third malema the man hmself said hai id prefare being injectd wit the aidz nd he got injectd,he laughd at them afterwordz the askd y iz he laughngz? He said inject me again! Nd they dne so he laughd again the askd again y u laughn he said u guyz are stupid i alwayz hve ma cndmz on
Something Malema would say …..I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
” I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.” George W aka Juliass M
Juliass Malema ” Half the time I went to school I was 90 percent absent.”
After Juliass discovered that the mulungus owned most of the mines.He replied “and thats just the tip of the ice-cube”
Who said I may be dumb, but I am not stupid?
Revolutionary Greetings…. Hey Baas Ted bring me the mike.What you rubbish.You cant hear me. Floyd put the off button on…..Greetings
Aw Juliass is a hardworking guy. He gets up at 6 in the morning no matter what time it is
i love you juju
Good jokes on juju….really good.
Guys please cant help being special! He makes idiots become embarrassed. and name one positive thing he has done for the youth of SA but send them and a hate mission for all other races……if he said one intelligent thing in the past year …..NAME IT….
Julius got the best brain in the world,
the left side does only allow actions from the right side …………….
and on the right side there is nothing left
Anything dumber than Julius Malema will need to be watered.
Malema’s son goes to Pretoria to study.
A month later he sends a letter to his dad saying:
“Pretoria is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I’m a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train.”
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million rand check saying:
“Stop embarrassing us – go and get yourself a train too!”
ant im missing uuuu 🙂 <3
Julius’s farther was the best cabinet maker ever……..
Hy het ‘n kakhuis gebou met een spyker
@ ruby – what happened to my friend request ??????
Julius Malema at an Art Gallery…….
Julius: “I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you white people call modern art?”
Art Dealer: “I beg your pardon sir… That’s a MIRROR!”
juju is da most luvable man in da world
@frikeen doos wats ur surname coz i get alot of friend requests???
@deedee heard that 1 b4 🙂
@frikken doos no more personal stuff on this site
On the interview.. They ask Julius Malema how many children does he have.. Our leader replied: ..”I have two girls, but they are only daughters”..
@PeterLebea
Julius Malema is the most racist of all people of his monkey friends and the fact that you support him shows that you probably also got 20% for woodwork. He has achieved nothing but shit in his life as a result of eating and planting it. He will continue to progress as a racist/retarded lowlife as a result of lower intelligence.
Looove Juju
I have to say something, I am not a julius Malema fan, I don’t want him to be president ever. Oh yes I guess u wondering what’s my race, I’m blue. I feel that white people are going too far, they just want someone to complain about, now they using malema to get to other black people, they just want to use malema as an excuse to say blacks are stupid, or the government full of blacks are stupid. What has Malema done to you personally you guys making a forum of racist comments. When you ask a white for what reasons do you hate hate Malema. They can’t tell you. They just hear from people that he is a stupid guy. Besides that hate speech song. Why do you hate malema? Whites can do anything to blacks but when a black does something to whites, now there’s jokes about him, people want to kill him, tell me if blacks took action to about steve hofmeyr, did blacks make a forum to start talking shit about all the racist white. The truth hurts that’s why whites hate malema, you want someone to bad mouth freely.
@boby hey u might also wndering wt my colour skin is well im purple thts jst to avoid white peoples comments towards blacks.well i lyk ur words man thy really inspires me most.well i personally hate thts blck nd white thng in our stunning country. bt whr in SA?well u can talk all day long if u white,blacks gv u a hostile look same applies to whites.tht is how SA is yeah we bettr live wd it nothing nobody will ever change tht
Malema Mal-ema Malema 🙂
well there you have it , all the jokes possible and what does his supporters do they run riot,
interviewer: julius did you learn reading at school ?
julius: yes and rioting too
interviewer: and how is your woodwork?
julius: eish thank god for viagra now i can get it up past 20%
interviewer: julius did you learn reading at school ?
julius: yes very much so, reading and rioting together
interviewer: and julius how is your woodwork?
julius: eish wehl tanx too viagra i can get it up past 20% now too
helen malema….. Bride of this era. Hooligans showed how dummy political manuals thought them at jhb, journalist: where are u from and why are u here?
Female juju fan after his dick answered: am from limpopo, i travelled for 7hours to support it, i mean him….. I support things that struggle for ourselves and are broad in brain………. Ya that did it for me…
Juliass Interview :
Interviewer : juliass, you really need the mulungus, they went to the moon first.
Juliass: heweh, dont worry we will go to the sun.
Interviewer : But how you gonna go to the sun,its hot there.
juliass: Hey mampara, we will go there at night
You can’t polish a turd…
I love dis guys keep up: ??Sipho is working for a massive construction company, and his boss is white. Sipho always gets in trouble with his boss and his boss always swears him.
Sipho decides to lay a complaint .So he goes to comrade Malema’s office.
Malema tells him, “He cannot treat u lyk dis,doesn’t he know things r changed in my country?”
So dey decide to go together to confront Sipho’s boss. Sipho points out his boss to malema.
Malema calls him to one side and says to da boss, “U cannot treat your workers in dis way,u will get locked up.”
Boss says, “Sorry Malema but he is a stupid and I can prove it.”
He tells Sipho, “Go to da 80th floor and c if I’m there”.
Sipho runs up da stairs! opens da office door looks in and runs down da stairs all huffing and puffing and says, “Boss u not there.”
Boss says, “See how stupid he is!”
Malema says: “Ya,if it was me I would have used da lift!”
malema is son of the soil. He represents the wishes and aspirations of the african people.
Julius Malema is so stupid even intelligent youth league members foolw and support him for his stupidity.
viva ‘juju’
Jullius is not stupid he is less clever
Introducing: The Malema Bond from ABSA!
Do you earn R20 000 per month?
Apply for your Malema Bond today.
You now qualify for a bond of R19 000 000.
You can buy a house for R3 000 000, tear it down and build another one for R16 000 000 — all
on a salary of R20 000 per month!!
But wait there’s more — ABSA will even throw in another two properties and a farm!
This is brilliant, because it means if you earn R4 000 per month you can now buy a property
worth up to R4 000 000!
Go to ABSA today and apply for the Malema Bond and you will soon be sipping cocktails in
your new mansion overlooking the sea.
Terms and conditions apply
One tender, one house policy
“Bastards and bloody agents” don’t qualify,
hey Ruby & Frikkendoos i like your jokes.
Malema on making Forbes top 10 most powerful young men in africa:
” Hawu!! But these White people on forbes.. THEY ARE RACIST!! ME, I AM NUMBER 1!!!”
And on being interviewed: ” these people!! they mustn’t worry about how I get my money.. you see VUYO, he sells a sausage and he, he can buy a boat!!
i really love this guy i think his got a good sense of humour viva ANCYL VIVA
I LYK DAT JOKE OF JULIUS malema dat says `i wont cause suicide i rather kill my self`
julius malena walks into a company in order to observe whether the workers there are working well and if their boss treats them well.
He walks in and meets the manager with one of his workers.
“julius, this is one of the stupidest workers we have here in management.”
“how can you say that?” replies julius. “I mean, give him a chance!”
“Ok, you know what, i’ll prove to you how stupid he is.”
“peter, go upstairs and check if i am there.” the manger instructs the worker.
The worker goes upstairs and checks for his manager.
“sorry sir, i went upstairs and you weren’t there.”
“See how stupid he is,” the manager says to julius
“I know,” says Julius, “I would have sued the lift!”
Let’sstart nationalising. We’ll start with Julius’s properties!
Ay u can take the monkey out the bush maar jy kan nie die bos yt die aap kry nie. I’m not a racist I only judge the people by the size of their nostrels. . . Julius moet gan kak tussen diebosse sodat hy sy famielie kan naai net soos hulle paar soos vleeeee!! Leker aand verder mense
ah on man what would politics be without Julius?
You asked for it, Julius. Now that you’ve finally got what YOU have been looking for, what are you going to do? How silly of you!
Now people will be happy that you have been suspended. The only thing I liked about you was that you SPOKE the TRUTH, no matter what people said, BUT YOU FORGOT to look at the CONSEQUENCES of your actions. Shit man!!!!!!!
He is a prime and excellent example for what all of his kind of people really stands for in this country. Chaos, disorder, lawlesness, disrespect, unfairness, arrogance, unthoughtfulness, stupidity, hatefulness and Ungodliness….
No wonder his people treat him like a king.
Suprinho’ interview JUJU
S- julius Wt will u b doin in all This 5 years of ur suspention?
J- i will focus on my studies nd ja mayb is a gd tym tht i go 4 chicks
S-well JUJU hw did u qualify @ UNISA 2 study political science, bcz ur matric results dnt suport tht
J- well i cn talk on my behlf nd remember the hawks are nt intrested in my study affaires, besides Thts the only reason y i’m studing in Limpopo campus.
Julius: I want this suspension overturned! Comrades I wish to launch an appeal against this decision.
Jacob Zuma: On what grounds do you wish to launch this appeal…
Julius: I dnt care on what grounds, it can be FNB Stadium, Coca-Cola Park Stadium even Loftus Stadium…
And what now. Juluis malema spoke crap into ur heads. Yet the better hand won! Gone for good. Juju. Pack ur bags and go. U screwd up! Ha ha!
Sorry my followers,I can’t make comments now I am suspended…hehe!!LOL! haha! Lolz! aikhona! Hewe! HAibo!
Lmao Great jokes yall!
Malema was taking a walk together with his body gaurds when they came across a pipe burst in one of the streets, which filled the ground with lots of water. He then looked at the running water from the ground and smiled. One of his body gaurds asked “Boss why are you smiling alone?” – Malema “Can’t you see that it is raining from the ground!”
malema’s galfrend gave birth to twins. instead of being happy, juju was up the whole night, stressed, trying to figure out who the father of the other child was..!!!
lolest
Hey. I am white, and I don’t like the fact that people say white people are racist. Not all white people are.. I am not. I don’t have anything against malema or any other person from a different race. We are all people, black, white or coloured. The only thing that is differnet is the colour of our skin! We are all people. So ya, my point is that not all white people are recist, and I really think this apartheid crap must stop! Its really not worth it at all!!!!!
We don’t care what race Julius is. Stupidity does not discriminate. Look at George Bush. He is also a stupid idiot.
Julius went out 4 drinks with some of the ANC ministers, after a few hours of Boozing, Malema calls the waiter to bring the bill.
Julius R400
Cele R250
Mbakula R450
Vavi R200
TOTAL R1300
Malema looks @ the bill & says 2 the waiter: Hai man!!! I will pay for everyone, but TOTAL must pay his own bill!!! I didn’t invite him, on top of that he owns a lot of garages…..
Jason, good one!!! I actually laughed!!!
So Julius Malema walks into a grocery store, he sees juice on the shelves and picks the one that says ‘sugar-free’. He also picks sugar 4rm the shelves.
At the till, the till person asks why he is not paying for the sugar. A clearly irritated Julius, “It says here on the bottle ‘sugar-free’, heee kanti can’t you read?”
To all the black brothers that support Julius da lemma…. you need an education too by the looks of things… support something or someone that unites everyone, and not this po3s!
This is no joke, but thanx for the read….
Juliaas’ chommies took him out for sushie.the doos took it home and fried it.
U all can joke abt malema bt uhuru is cumin we gna kill all u hilly billy pink pigsy
Hey Youth, I am a black brother. You gonna always be poor cos you got no common sense.I know you poor cos dumb asses will follow Juliaas. You must have std 1. get a job save some money then start your own business. Juliass gonna wipe his ass with your face brother.
Juliuuus is one weird person X_X
He will never have the Intelligence to run a country, but still they follow him??
Hia guys no mtter wht u say or do malema is nd wll always b my mento “hero”
Whatever we do guys, Julius will remain Julius. As for the Jokes, you’re good, big ups. Now there’s only one thing that bothers me. Racism, that’s not good and we know it, whether you choose to follow Julius or not, that’s your own baby to nurse. I wouldn’t hate you for the Colour of your skin. Anyway, Mr Star said enough…..Hey wena, Frikken Doos, jy is ‘n frikken doos my broer. I’m going to sue you for all the damage you did to my ribs, you frikken exhausted my laugh box!!!
all white people are stereo types, if one person in any race except them do mistakes they think every one is the sam as that person. COME ON PEOPLE GET CIVILISED.
see u right Nkadi…these whites all they chase is being racist..malema is black so am i nd whn u swear at malema calling him monkey wt ever rubish u guys ar calling him ryt nw its same as u calling dt shit to me…so stop it at once if u want to go back to 60’s i wont hesitate to…GET CIVILISED Nkadi said
All these jokes are very funny, keep them coming
3 monkeys asked a sangoma if he could change them into human beings,
The sangoma took out a picture of Julius & said ” like this?”
The monkeys replied “Los maar once, jy kon net gesê dit jy wil nie!
JULUIS MALEMA, went in London during the 2012 London Olympics, stayed in the same expensive, luxurious hotel as Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula and he met Michael Phelps .
JULIUS : How did you let that racist boy, Chad Le Clos who can’t even sing his national
Anthem win ahead of you?
MICHAEL : No comment, I am not allowed to speak to journalist outside the swimming
Pool area ?
Terence Mamodumo
Journalist : Julius, how did you get the money to pay for this luxurious hotel?
Juju : I’ve got connections, You know what I’m saying, you are from SA?
Journalist : Ok, I know you meant corruption, not connections, I know SA politicians
Language. You always say the opposite.
Juju : You blasted. You floody agent.
Terence Mamodumo
malema ene a reng ka ditaba tse tsa gagwe
malema ene a reng ka ditaba tse tsa gagwe.
Malema!! What an Idiot!!!!!! Love the jokes! Keep them coming!
Jabo was sitting by a dam with his kn*b out in the water. Julius walks past and says:
“Hey, what are you doing?”
Jabo: “I’m catching c*nts”
Julius: “Really? Can I join you?”
Jabo: “Sure”
After about 2 hours, Julius says:
“So how many c*nts have you caught?”
Jabo: “Oh, you’re the first one”
Julius: Jacob! Good news! I have a plan to make the ANC better!
Jacob: How! You are so clever! I am proud! What is the plan?
Julius: What plan?
Jacob: To make the ANC better?
Julius: Oh! Sorry Jacob i forgot it! Maybe tommorow.
Jacob: I should fire him.
Julius: Who?
Jacob: Like you would care germ-brain!
Julius is so stupid when he was born, he came out the wrong end!
Jacob Zuma – The Man with a penis but no Balls
malema will remain our president and no 1 will change that,u cn change it in your papers at your offices but we dnt give a shit,he is ours and we will support him,
Can we get all ofthis in an application?
juluis and malema are fighting over 3 million rand in tax money
jacob: you can have the money if you can answer this question right
what does the ANC stand for
juluis: thats easy AFRICAN NATIONAL CONGRESS
jacob: incorrect its A’IM NOT CORRUPT