Helen Zille dreams cartoon

Helen Zille dreams

Julius Malema appointed Minister Foreign Affairs!

Early this morning, South African president Jacob Zuma surprised the country by announcing an unexpected cabinet reshuffle. Controversial government spokesman Jimmy Manyi met with a Wonkie freelance reporter in an exclusive interview and explained the rationale behind the changes.

“Extensive research has shown that there is an oversupply of a particular brand of incompetence within the cabinet. President Zuma is following through on his annual promise of moving ministers into more appropriate roles if they underperform, and this cabinet reshuffle is aimed at achieving exactly that.”

… Jimmy M

After discovering that a number of senior government officials had squandered hundreds of thousands of tax-payer rands by arranging for an expensive boondoggle in the United States earlier this year, Mr Zuma was very sad. The 49-member South African delegation was the largest sent by any country and included three ministers and five deputies. Learning that this was done under the fun-sounding banner of the 55th Session of the Commission on the Status of Women, Mr Zuma was especially dismayed. He had not been invited to the party, and heads were going to roll.

The Minister of Correctional Services, Ms Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula, who had allegedly forced her way onto a number of guest lists for talks and then didn’t bother pitching up for them, was the first victim of the cabinet reshuffle. Mr Zuma was disappointed to hear he could not send Ms Mapisa-Nqakula to any of South Africa’s correctional facilities as all their names were currently being changed. Apparently, sending someone to an incorrectly named prison would be a gross violation of their fundamental human rights.

The biggest surprise move given the recent altercations between Jacob Zuma and the ANCYL, was the appointment of ANCYL president, Julius Malema, to the post of Minister in the Department of International Relations and Cooperation. The move was so baffling that even the normally eloquent Helen Zille of the DA was left speechless. Wonkie reporters believe that Mrs Zille’s acute objectionitis was in a state of suspended disbelief with the mere thought that Julius may be sent on his first foreign affairs assignment to Japan – to examine, first hand, the impact of radiation exposure from the nuclear fallout there.

No such luck Mrs Zille. President Zuma has indicated that he will instead be dispatching Mr Malema to Libya to head the talks with Muammar Gadaffi and other leaders in the region affected by the recent North African revolutions. Minister Malema could not be contacted for comment but Wonkie speculates that his primary foreign affairs agenda is likely to include:

  1. The nationalisation of oil and related resources;
  2. Implementing BBBEE tender processes in the Middle East;
  3. Introduction of cross-cultural sushi parties to all Islamic countries;
  4. Strategies to combat western imperialists; and finally
  5. Reintroduction of flies to Libya, in opposition to UN resolution 1973.

Please add your comments on these and the other cabinet changes in the comments section below – Wonkie looks forwardo reading your opinions.

Click HERE to leave YOUR COMMENT on the Julius Malema’s Ministerial Appointment.
More soon, as breaking news continues to be broadcast on the cabinet reshuffle from the President’s office later this morning. In the meantime, enjoy the rest of your APRIL FOOL’s day and have a great weekend ahead!

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Click HERE to leave YOUR COMMENT on Julius Malema’s new position in the cabinet.
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Comments

  1. Nice one for April fool

  2. What a lot of bull. We are not that gullible. April fool

  3. Well done-April fools Day. Only wish this could be true

  4. That is ideal for April’s fool

  5. yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh yoh.when someone says What else can go wrong you should really try and believe them.
    april fools
    i love this village SA

  6. even rats are going to rule this time. I am a small rat rodent – can someone tell me how to get a ministerial post?

  7. Frightening!!!

  8. zuma must want to commit suicide bringing the prince of ignorance and stupidity on board. This would make a top April Fools joke or should that read a top julius fools joke.

  9. hahaha datz impossible!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yah 2day itz th 1st of April!!!!! got u wonkie

  10. Only an April fool could believe this one. They say every time jzu makes a fool of himelf he pulls a hair out of his head.

  11. very dry april fools joke,

    this man is going to be the president one day!

    WATCH THIS SPACE!

    I CANT WAIT TO SEE THE GRUMPY WHITES GET OUT OF THIS COUNTRY

  12. Good one, as for you my friend, what would you do without our tax money

  13. This is an April fools joke….

  14. More frightening than juju joining the cabinet is that this may not be an April fool joke. Given the crackpot behaviour of the ANCYL and our current cabinet this could be totally believable. Good one Wonkie.

  15. Haffy I dont know why you say whites are grumpy, you never see us riot in the streets with fists in the air destroying, you should watch the news and see that more blacks are grumpy and unhappy then whites, which we actually find very sad. Many blacks of which we are aware and know I kind, gentle and do not participate in protests and riots, they too serve GOD with contrite hearts and they all have joy and peace.

  16. aahhh Juju iz good 4 da post..he was long overdue 4 it..thanx to Zuma 4 an active,energetic and outspoken young lion in the cabinet!!

  17. I quess we are not be april-fooled. Otherwise its not surprising if regard is had to the ANC-way-of-doing-things.

  18. Hi Haffy, I agree with Peace, the grumps in South Africa are black. And do not expect us all to leave soon. Get your head right and start thinking like a good South African and not a racist.

  19. Hoping this could never, in our life time, be true .

  20. that was so funny, I nearly fell off my chair while reading it, good one, Wonkie! The only sad thing is, that if this government carry on making the kind of appointments they are at this time, we shouldn’t be surprised if he does get a cabinet post one day.

  21. Collitjies says:

    Just the sort of decision the African Native Circus would make while the boss man is away in Zambia on another shopping spree with his vastly extended family. I can see shortly the South African Air Force having to purchase an Airbus 380 to be able to take JZ’s family on holidays in future.

  22. We all know why jm has not got a misterial post, they are waiting for him to pass his matric as it is required to fill a top position, they have excempted him from post matric qualifications as he uses his practical without theory, Just don’t know how you can practice something if you do not have the theory beats me.

  23. What the fuck! Is this another April fools day joke or is JZ serious, eh????? JM is a fool of all fools, and, that includes APRIL FOOL!

  24. Forgot to mention why matric is required and not post graduates, as they made a mistake by all jz PA degrees. They thought it meant Polictical Advocate.

  25. A good joke for the 1st of April. To Malema’s foreign affairs agenda could be added the “Freedom of all people of Libya, excluding the Colonel’s collection of body guards, who object to the imperialistic interventions to show their bare buttocks to (mooning) the imperial powers”

  26. notaround says:

    I nearly had a heart attack reading this heading ! Come on now Wonkie, how can you scare an old fool like this on 1st April ! My gosh, have they all gone stark raving mad, I thought !

  27. It is amazing how hatred blind the people. how can you call Julius Malema stupid? That man is very influencial.

  28. collitjies, you have nothing to worry about they do not make those size planes that is needed fo jz family, what worries from an expense point of view is that they whould have to buy 3

  29. Lol, you really had me going there for a second. I was like noooo! wait, maybe… huh?! *panic* ok, calm down there must be some logical explanation…what if? NOOOOOO!!!! Ok, wait lets just try and Google this!

    Well done PM! Fooled this Engineer-Chic!

  30. nice one wonkie………..its gr8 for April foolsssss!

  31. cheers,nice april fool joke]

  32. nice one

  33. @ Haffy. Go get a life, man. You are the grumpy one. It is our sense of humour that keeps us sane in this crazy zoo.

  34. Yes tanni you are so right humour it is indeed, just think if we had no politicians we might have nothing to laugh about. I sometimes think they only know one date: 1st April

  35. 🙂

    Hey Wonkie! Castro is not capable of the same kind of latino lunacy as Chavez and as a citizen of the Caricom-Caribbean Community and on behalf of all my communist loving friends I object! 🙂

    And for sure Gaddafi is even madder than Chavez! As a whole Africa and the Middle East takes the cake from Latin America when it comes to maddies and baddies! The latinos don’t have as many wives and arguably have a little less blood on their hands…

    What I’d like Wonkie to sometime investigate in that region are the following internet claims on Muammar by arranging an interview with him to pose the following questions:

    Do you really have an all female virgin army?

    If so would you like to see any of them participating in a cross-cultural sushi party?

    Ahmmm…how exactly do you spell your name again? Ahmmm…G…Q…what?

    Did you gift your only blood related daughter to Idi Amin in marriage when she is just about 50 yrs younger than he was? If so what was going through your mind? And do you miss the King of Scotland sometimes?

    And the following questions to Muammar’s daughter:

    How do feel about Western claims that you could have left behind daddy and graced the cover of Vogue after all they have crowned you the Claudia Schiffer of Africa?

    How do you feel about your supposed marriage to Idi Amin and why did you supposedly divorce him?

    Would you ever take part in a cross-cultural sushi party?

    What are your experiences as a lawyer having to defend Saddam?

    And last but not least when will your designer line of hijabs be coming out and for which fashion house?

  36. @ Neady, all comedy aside for this one, maybe all should investigate why so many countries are in turmoil, it is a fact wether you believe it or not it can not make it any less real. All have shut the Creator off and right through the ages where nations worshipped any idol, human or what or who so ever they in control of the evil one. That is the reason why JESUS will be returning shortly to destroy all evil and bring real peace and everlasting life. Much research has been done on this based on the Bible, and other annals of nations and has been proven to be 100% correct. But still many still want to believe or serve GOD so they shut of from GOD’s blessings and prosperity.

  37. South africa in the banana continent

  38. Peace brother, if Jesus was going to sort out this mess he would have been back some time ago. He is not coming back because he died about 2000 years ago and cannot come back. Try keeping god out of this debate because it will not further the debate and where my friend is there evidence that god exists.

  39. Conserned says:

    Wow thats is a bomb shell. Minster of international relations wow that’a a real shocker i mean what make’s Julious the best candidate for international relations isn’t the delegate supposed to have some sort of basis or a least a qulification that he/she does indeed know what hte post requires or what the post is about. Don’t get me wrong i’m just a concerned citizen living in S.A, worrie qbout sending a comunist to other country! IT’S A FAR CRY I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  40. Garth, just to help you right, I am a sister not a brother. If GOD had not sent me back from death in 1971 I may not have believed today so strongly either. What GOD is doing at the moment is: He has given evil loads of change to try and wreck everything, so badly that it will be impossible for man to rectify. Whe HE does intervene the evidence will be there as it will only be Divine Intervention that will save this world and its people. Everybody will realise that it was done SUPERNATURALY, There are evolving issues but nothing could have started by evolution, oxygen, atom cells, the whole universe Someone had to start it. Who answers all our prayers and how come when I have my quiet time with the LORD , I ask questions and I do get answers. ?? I could easily write a book about all the miracles that has happened in my family’s and my life. HE is first in my life and I can not and never ever want to be without HIM. GOD is love, and is compasionate about everybody but we are not puppets so HE has given us total freedom of choice to either except HIM or reject HIM. I do not want to get involved in a smeary blasphemy debate because it is not my style, I treat everybody the same wether they believe or not. If we could see GOD we will not be able to see anything else as HE is everpresent all over the universe.

  41. Wonkie – I think you need to start a religious blog with all these comments… doesn’t matter what you write everything seems to collapse into some religious Christian debate!

    @Conserned – relax my friend, I’m pretty sure it is just an April Fool’s joke – guess you’ve been caught out.. 😛

  42. @CS you’re so right! LOL! I keep telling Wonkie that…and it seems as though I have the magic touch…this religious dialogue often springs post a comment I make even if I mentioned nothing about religion at all…LOL! Aaah…I almost used a religious quote to describe it…but you don’t want to do that on Wonkie…PM you should launch such a forum soon and don’t hide it as spirituality…let all the religion hang out! Unfortunately if you did that it might lead to a blood bath…so…on second thoughts…err…maybe not!

  43. It is truley amazing how people reject real peace, prosperity, love, hard work and a life without fear for any issues. If the distress , hate and negativitity was not so obvious in the comments, it would not cast such a burden to try and help everyone find real peace. I must be the most blessed person as negativity never seems to get to me. Religion is not an theory it is being conscience of the LORD’s presence every minute of your life. It is great, comforting, you can not seem to get upset and never feel revengeful. Sorry for you guys , you do not know what you are cutting out of your life. How awesome to know that all the horror is about to pass away. Rejoice as our redemption is near.

  44. CS & Meady,, we do have a protected website where we do worldwide counselling for free. We have an 82% success rate. We serve the LORD by giving to people what we receive from HIM. I try not to give biblical quotes on these blogs on account that many and I mean many interpret the Bible totally wrong. They seem to find GOD a GOD of wrath and condemnation and it is actually totally the opposite. HE IS LOVE, KINDNESS and Mercifull to all who seek HIM with their hearts (personal choice) We would have a 1000% success rate if all those we counsel make the right choice. We still do not stress about it as GOD has HIS own agenda for everybody and we believe that one day they will make the right choice and have inner peace, healing and joy. What can be wrong by wanting to help people , to show them goodness, kindness and mercy.
    Freely I receive it, freely I give it. My heart genuinely goes out to those who have hurt in their hearts , feel lost, worthless and hopeless and it gets revealed to me via chat blogs , Those whom I can see are struggling with many issues we write their names in our prayer book and pray for them.
    How can anyone condemn goodness????

  45. The problem with those who spout religion is that they want you to hear about their religion but do not want to listen to your religion.

  46. Hi Garth, I fully understand what you mean and we do investigate and listen to everybody’s views. but theory has no power even though our brain capacity is awesome to absorb and put into practice what we know. We have to ensure that we can never be a judge to dondemn any person, not mentioning their actions, yes if it is wrong and harmful to any of the creation the deed is condemned. Take Nicky Cruze he was a big gangster in the US ghetto’s and killed many until he met the LORD. The film The Cross and the Switchblade was based on his life. If any one had condemned him what a surprise they got.

  47. Garth & Meaky I would actually love to have a chat with you, not everbody reads the true definition of a written message. I am involved in DNA behaviour patterns and have the ability to identify peoples concerns, behaviour etc just by the way they right and the things they say. Just to give a quick example, an apple tree does not have a sign saying I am an apple tree , you walk passed it and you see the apples and you know it is an apple tree. Humans are very similar you see the fruits of their behaviour. Unfortunately for some that do take exception I can not help but to see what is disturbing them deep inside. I like wonkies humor and it would be great to have more laughs, laughter is medicine. Somehow when I see hurt my passion over rules and I feel I must help because I know I can and have been doing it for many years. I am an old lady with much knowledge and experience. Would it not be awesome to have a peacefull love for everybody, heeps of laughter, heeps of fun and joy in abundance. Nothing is impossible.

  48. patrick molefe says:

    i dont think is a wise thing ,because julius is the right candidate all.it is a real joke of the year

  49. Malema sux

  50. Hi Guys, just to mention if you are interested. We did a DNA behaviour profile on Malema from his own speeches , interesting indeed but by our confidential code of conduct I can not reveal it. What I will do is use a similar previous historical politician but some of the conditions and circumstances differs vastly. Alexander the great was reared as a spoilt child who was given everything he wanted, his obsession for power became so great that he had no feelings for any other human beings. At the age of 32 he had conquered all the nations around him and there were no more left to conquer. Our physical and mental connections are extremely intertwined and our bodies react on our actions and mind. His body at 32 was physically so bad ( on account of his actions what you sow you reap) that it totally collapsed and it was diagnosed on what we would call a grand mal epilectic today and died from this attack. At 32 and had nothing to show or anyone to share it with, so what did he gain.

  51. It would be unfair to compare Juju and Alexander the Great just because Alexander was a spoilt brat and an homosexual. He was known for his horrendous temper, particularly when he had been drinking and in his later years, he drank heavily. One night while in a drunken madness he murdered his best friend. Alexander was considered a dictator even though he admired the Greek idea of democracy. He wanted people to worship him and some reported that he truly believed he was a god. (why oh why must religion be brought in again). He died of Babylonian fever, now known to be malaria.

  52. Malema is not great at all and Alexander wasn’t that great either. His recent comment that if ANC members don’t vote for the ANC, Mandela’s health will deteriorate, is an example of his lack of greatness. STOOOOOOPID!

  53. Mandela is far too intelligent and his integrity will not be influenced by a little ignorant (power) weazel like malema. Malema is insulting Madiba by bringing him down to his level.

  54. Anc has succeeded in RDP housing just look around there are many of them.
    Recycled Durable Plastic. In stead of expensive speed bumps they reverted to cost effective self maintaining speed holes and everybody is certainly driving with more care.

  55. Mandela will be remembered as one of the great men of history and the saviour of our nation, may he live a few more years and when his time comes may he die in peace and not because someone did not vote for the ANC. Malema the weasel if he is remembered for anything will be his hate speech, his abominable behaviour and for being a spendthrift. He may one day be compared with the trash of history such as Hitler, Mussolini and Mugabe all of whom were actually elected on false promises, lies and populist rhetoric.

  56. Poor Malema he is so weak he needs four armed bodyguards to protect him, it is his conscience weakening him, poor thing.

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