Early this morning, South African president Jacob Zuma surprised the country by announcing an unexpected cabinet reshuffle. Controversial government spokesman Jimmy Manyi met with a Wonkie freelance reporter in an exclusive interview and explained the rationale behind the changes.
“Extensive research has shown that there is an oversupply of a particular brand of incompetence within the cabinet. President Zuma is following through on his annual promise of moving ministers into more appropriate roles if they underperform, and this cabinet reshuffle is aimed at achieving exactly that.”
… Jimmy M
After discovering that a number of senior government officials had squandered hundreds of thousands of tax-payer rands by arranging for an expensive boondoggle in the United States earlier this year, Mr Zuma was very sad. The 49-member South African delegation was the largest sent by any country and included three ministers and five deputies. Learning that this was done under the fun-sounding banner of the 55th Session of the Commission on the Status of Women, Mr Zuma was especially dismayed. He had not been invited to the party, and heads were going to roll.
The Minister of Correctional Services, Ms Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula, who had allegedly forced her way onto a number of guest lists for talks and then didn’t bother pitching up for them, was the first victim of the cabinet reshuffle. Mr Zuma was disappointed to hear he could not send Ms Mapisa-Nqakula to any of South Africa’s correctional facilities as all their names were currently being changed. Apparently, sending someone to an incorrectly named prison would be a gross violation of their fundamental human rights.
The biggest surprise move given the recent altercations between Jacob Zuma and the ANCYL, was the appointment of ANCYL president, Julius Malema, to the post of Minister in the Department of International Relations and Cooperation. The move was so baffling that even the normally eloquent Helen Zille of the DA was left speechless. Wonkie reporters believe that Mrs Zille’s acute objectionitis was in a state of suspended disbelief with the mere thought that Julius may be sent on his first foreign affairs assignment to Japan – to examine, first hand, the impact of radiation exposure from the nuclear fallout there.
No such luck Mrs Zille. President Zuma has indicated that he will instead be dispatching Mr Malema to Libya to head the talks with Muammar Gadaffi and other leaders in the region affected by the recent North African revolutions. Minister Malema could not be contacted for comment but Wonkie speculates that his primary foreign affairs agenda is likely to include:
- The nationalisation of oil and related resources;
- Implementing BBBEE tender processes in the Middle East;
- Introduction of cross-cultural sushi parties to all Islamic countries;
- Strategies to combat western imperialists; and finally
- Reintroduction of flies to Libya, in opposition to UN resolution 1973.
Please add your comments on these and the other cabinet changes in the comments section below – Wonkie looks forwardo reading your opinions.
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