New Years resolutions cartoon

New Years resolutions

African Dictator’s New Year’s Resolutions | LikiWeaks

If you’re reading this with some remaining babbalas (hangover) from an excellent but excessive festive season, then join the club. According to Great Almanac of Life, by now many of you will have made your 2011 New Year’s resolutions and cast them in stone. You will also likely have persevered through two whole days of them and decided that it’s best to stick to resolutions only on even numbered years. Wonkie decided to break the rules this year and smash the resolutions from day 1… in case you’re wondering, it doesn’t feel any better breaking them on the first day either.

In other breaking news, Wonkie inadvertently stumbled onto a secret stash of LikiWeaks cables and thought it would be insightful to share with readers the top 10 New Year’s resolutions of a certain African dictator, who shall remain unnamed:

  1. Encourage neighbouring country to deport their illegal immigrants to combat the rapid decline in local population
  2. Maintain work-life balance by delegating mundane life-threatening to deputy
  3. Lose weight by eating many less bananas
  4. Instill fear in subjects by maintaining a Hitler-like moustache
  5. Catch up on Season 7 of Desperate Housewives and Two and a half Men
  6. Keep fit by learning salsa – I really need to work on my turns and flairs
  7. Meet again with Julius Malema for mentoring sessions – that young man has real potential
  8. Further my spiritual agenda by convincing even more people that I am God
  9. Continue my personal development by reading How to win friends and influence Western Imperialist pigs
  10. Spoil myself and buy an iPad… or a submarine – I’ve always wanted one

Seriously for a moment, Wonkie thinks it’s quite funny how short a time resolutions made with such determination usually last. It’s not that the resolutions are not important, it’s just that the motivation for sticking to them seems to disappear after the first week or two. That’s a pity considering it generally only takes 28 days to form a new habit. Perhaps the way to think about it is exactly that – call them January resolutions and endeavour to stick to them just for the month and see what happens.

What's your view on 2011 - the year ahead?

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Wonkie wishes readers all the very best over 2011 – may you have a year filled with lots of fun and laughter!

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Comments

  1. My resolution is to unsubscribe from wonkie cause he doesn’t send cartoons anymore instead he’s sending Sowetan stories. Deliver what you promise then I’ll change my resolution.

  2. May in 2011 God’s will on earth each day be done, Mercy, love, grace, joy and fun. After all HE made the heavens, earth, stars , moon and sun. Each day take a shower of God’s mighty wonderful power. Would Love the Lord to reveal HIS plans for our country and for every citizen as HE is the only promise keeper and HE is going to reveal HIMSELF in many great ways to us this year and everyone will see that GOD IS REAL and REAL GOOD. Pray that the Wonkie blog family will become a happy healthy one with a wonderful year of great blessings. Love you all.

  3. mystery1960 says:

    new years resolutions – gave up on them a long long time ago :))

  4. to try and stay alive to see Malema go to prison

  5. Zozo, if God is great how come he does not stop the US war machine: the destruction of Palestine; Laurent Gbagbo and many other wars and their perpetrators and shut up Malema

  6. Now that I have got that off my chest, how about all (yes I mean all (including you)) South Africans obeying at least some laws such as driving within the speed limit, staying sober behind the wheel and not embezzling our taxes.

  7. Garth, God is patient and full of grace and has not yet stopped HIS period of grace for all mankind. We living in the period of grace where there is no judgement by GOD but this period of grace will end with the Coming of the LORD in Victory, the books will be opened and then we will be judged according to GOD’s Word. Laws are made so people can live pleasant safe lives but you are so right , so many have no sense of any responsibility and do as they please, they are certainly the spoilers and destroyers of all good. I am still a highschool scholar and have a tough time trying to get some of the students to see how wonderful a life full of God’s grace is and how stupid to reject HIS love and mercy which protects us against all evil. The things that some do makes my flesh crawl and then they think they brave playing with fire that is bound to burn their lives into ashes.

  8. To another year of great cartoons with Wonkie!

  9. my new year resolution is never to have one.

  10. In africa things always go from bad to worse and therefore I don’t see 2011 to be better for africa than 2010…impossible.

    My new years resolution is to make a list of all things africa do good and right the first “try” – chances are good that I won’t even have to put one item on the list 😉

  11. try to make this website public and draw attention to racism in Australia

  12. don’t take things too seriously – enjoy life day by day and count my blessings!!!

  13. Garth

    The palestines are not followers of God – they happen to be moslem and find themselves on Israeli soil.

    Firstly, since Gen. 1:26 – 28 God no longer had authority over this planet as He gave that to mankind.

    Secondly, since Gen. 3:6 when mankind gave their authority over ( Luke 4:6 ) to satan, who is now the god of this planet and who happen to be the murderer/victor of the people.

    Thirdly, according to Ephesians 3:10 this planet now serve as a classroom so the heavenly beings can observe the wisdom of God. You see people like malema, zuma, mandela and other heathen have the important task to make the law of death clear to the heavenly beings while the people of God make the law of eternal life clear to the same heavenly beings.

    Yes, God is so great and clever that He got rid of stupid satan by means of man without having to kill satan or tarnishing His Holy Name!

    I hope His second comming to this planet will be soon…before the end of this year so I can get out of this place that is now run by total idiots.

  14. I think that was the best way to finish and begin the year.Those resolutions are of somebody very close to me. As i write, he’s telling me that what was happening in ivory coast was a laboratory test for his country’s “unforthcoming” elections. and you know what? the westerns aren’t going to win, again! that he promised at a funeral. And about funerals, they always happen when the man has got some mustache to blow to the public.

  15. Dollarbill says:

    These are my 2011 resolutions – 1. Marry one of SHOWERHEAD’s many daughters! That automatically qualifies me for ZEE… 2. Throw monthly 700k Sushi parties at ZAR’s headquarters, The Union Buildings, riffraff & anti-ZEE media whores uninvited! 3. Get down & dirty with Gold-Digger Khanyi,& make her my mistress…

  16. Ken Kaunda said at the African Convention in Sandton. Africans must no longer use their hands to beg but use them to work as God says: He that does not work shall not eat” Wonder if the leaders attending the convention heard what he said or took note?

  17. Good one ZOZO!

    I wonder if Kenneth Kaunda took note himself as I see it, african leaders find a reason to have a party for every ocasion – at the moment they all hanging around the Ivory coast doing nothing but having a party! You don’t need to be a prophet to tell that eventually it will be like with Zim! They have no intention of really getting rid of the so called “leeda” who can’t let go of power even after loosing an election….I wonder why africans still have elections as it is of no use ;)…ahhh how can I be so stupid; after every election there’s a reason for another eating, drinking, dancing, singing, jumping party!

  18. C de Villiers says:

    There are more than one person using this PC. I have most definitely not voted yet.
    I wish you all a wonderful year too.

  19. The government’s promises is like new years resolution they do not last longer then the day of the speech!!! Students that gets top marks 80% average and above should be the only ones to qualify for a university bursary. The have prooved to be hard workers. To hand out free education less then 3 % will appreciate it and work hard. I am fortunate to be in a semi private school with high standards and discipline. Improvement on teachers qualifications, discipline in government schools should be done without delay. The time has come where the government must walk their talk.

  20. Zozo
    How can a goverment who call all forms of discipline “Apartheid” restore it in the schools, they demolished all froms of disciplene and will continue to do so – remember the blacks still have a “revolution” on the agenda!

  21. Dirk, I am a black scholar and as far as apartheid is concerned it should be buried we live in a new era. I agree that it does get used for many excuses but we have the chance to change and I am using it . God says we must forget that which is behind and look forward for what can be done . All citizens should obey the LORD’s Word and do as HE leads us to do. We put our trust and hope in the LORD for HE alone can change peoples heart, so lets pray that that will happen soon in our country. Lets look at the colour of peoples hearts and not their skin.

  22. What will happen to the upcoming elections

  23. Zozo,

    You are not interpreting the Word of God you refer to correctly – the Bible talks about after receiving forgiveness of sin, not about our mistakes, wisdom, knowledge and/or foolishness. Us whites were centuries ahead of the rest of the world’s population because we recorded and remembered our past! ( see Cronicles and kings of the Bible to mention an example from the very Word you refer to.

    On the other hand, Biblical’s logic teaching boils down to apartheid as well ( now apartheid is not racism, rather regarding it something sacret) because it is true wisdom as it is the only solution…a people should have a ruler of their own kind and then only will there be peace.. see..:

    Deut. 17:14 to 20 and 32:8 and from the NT Acts 17:26 to mention just few examples of the real wisdom behind ‘apartheid” that the english managed to paint as an Afrikaner sin while it was them who colonized us, forced english down our throats while running the country with the attitude that they were God’s gift to mankind and seperated themselves from the rest of us true Africans without calling it apartheid! Verwoerd inherrited apartheid from them! These are the true facts that need to be brought to the attention of black south africans who live under a complete missunderstanding regarding our past…BEACAUSE of the colonizers!

    Now, to get to the facts about skin colour and heart colour, it’s again just a fact that the mostly the murderers, gangsters, hi-jackers, rapists, child rapists, bank robbers, ilegal immigrants and miners happen to be NON-white….and this is not my fault it’s that way….but seeing that is thw way it is, I speak about life the way it is and if I don’t, you or some englishspeker would be the first to come call me a liar…another fact of life 😉

  24. forgive me for the second post wonkie..

    Khwahla

    The comming elections? approx 66% wil vote for satan, sorry,… I mean the ANC, about 8% won’t vote and the rest of the political parties will have to share the remaining aprox 26%…..anything else you wanted to know about the upcomming elections? 😉

  25. Pharao oppressed the Israelites and God delivered them from him, all the opressors in history were punished. I am not yet an authority on the Scriptures but take it very seriously as it is mostly prophetic of the end times we are living in, when JESUS comes back the godless will be punished but all those who have excepted JESUS as Saviour will be gathered up in the clouds and will always be with HIM 1 Thes 4: 15 – 17 and I know it will still happen in my lifetime down here.
    As far as the elections are concerned I can just mention what I think: The black population is around 40 mil and the whites 5 mil , unfortunately most blacks still look at the rulers as their deliverers of oppression and say that they are compelled to vote for them or will be victimised as traitors. The suggestion is that we should pray that the LORD will bring about change of hearts to all our citizens to serve HIM then only corruption, hatred, oppression and self enrichment will end.
    We have to move again to the Western Cape as my dad has been transferred again , after 3 years in our current neighborhood we are very much more spirit filled and confident that circumstances can change in S.A. The community where we have been the past 3 years is a great example of how people can live together, serve the LORD together, work together to reach out to others and live in total peace

  26. Anonamoose says:

    Two things I would like to investigate: 1. Why have so many small white owned companies who could not afford to implement a BEE post given big orders by black companies and cancelled after the companies had to expand, get raw materials, obtain overdraft facility to cater for the orders which was cancelled almost at completion: result the company had to close down, retrench all staff and the owners lost everything ,in some cases even their homes.

    Point no 2: This is a guess and please note I do not have any proof: A prominant ex anc member left the anc to join cope: I suspect is was done on purpose, an anc manipulation to get cope in disorder so most the black public can loose confidence in the up and coming opposition party. My gut tells me I am right. This is a major blow to coming elections, trusting that if my gut is right that it will soon be revealed.

  27. To spend more time laughing at the anc government and their bugger ups.

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