Malema land grabs cartoon

Julius Malema and EFF propose their solution to unemployment in South Africa, Vavi, and economic freedom.

Malema Land Grabs, Unemployment, Vavi & More!

From Julius Malema land grab threats to Vavi’s extramarital indiscretion and the Zimbabwe elections, Southern Africa is certainly the place to be for scandalous news this week. Below is Wonkie’s weekly news roundup to gamble online with your sanity:

Unemployment in South Africa reaches over 25%

Minister in The Presidency responsible for Performance Monitoring and Evaluation, Collins Chabane, is reported to be closely monitoring and evaluating the situation. Unofficial reports have quoted him as saying: “Government is well on track with its job targets. I won’t bore you with details, but our tipping point with the unemployment metric is exactly 55.2674%. As soon as we hit that figure, our super-super-duper job creation strategy will kick in, and we will resolve the entire situation within a matter of weeks.”

Malema pushes for Zim-style land-grabs

In a bold and beautiful move, Economic Freedom Front (EFF) leader Julius Malema stood firm in his policy to implement Zimbabwe-style land grabs in South Africa. The ANC were reported to be pooping in their pants after their strategy team realised that the masses they deliberately left uneducated, might well be stupid enough now to vote for that policy next year.

Vavi accused of rape, then not

After what was possibly a Zuma-inspired extramarital incident, Cosatu General Secretary Zwelinzima Vavi admitted to having an affair with a married woman who works for Cosatu. She had filed rape charges, he had filed extortion charges, she dropped the rape charges and the ANC Women’s League (ANCWL) got its knickers in a twist about it all. Perhaps if Vavi changed his name to Zuma, they would have made much less of a fuss.

Zanu-PF lead in Zimbabwe elections

Unofficial reports from the South African government indicate that the 2013 Zimbabwe elections are extremely free and fair, just like they will be in South Africa after the ANC starts losing power. “We are a 100% democracy, so long as everybody votes for the ANC,” said an unofficial spokesperson for the CNA (unfortunately, Wonkie’s unofficial spokesperson for the ANC was busy applying for a tender, in which there is only a tiny conflict of interest).

e-Tolls implementation

If Zuma is as shrewd a strategist as he is made out to be, Wonkie expects it to be unlikely that the e-tolls will be implemented before the next election. With the price of fuel soaring, the best the ANC could hope for if it does start the tolling is widespread rioting, the worst would be the obvious. The DA, PAC, AWB, Cope and any other political opposition wannabes would change their election posters from 4 years back to read:

“A vote for [insert party name], is a vote against Jacob Zuma e-Tolls.”

Agang, and EFF will likely implement a similar strategy. Once again, the opposition parties will all save a ton of money and brain-power on credible policy development, but maybe this time they’ll capture the majority regardless.

Turning an eye to the international news:

Pakistan gives away babies on live TV

Since Big Brother-style reality shows lost their appeal in the Pakistani TV ratings, the national broadcaster there has resorted to giving away babies on TV (yes, live human ones). Apparently the cost-benefit analysis clearly showed that any human rights-related litigation would be easily offset by the boost in ratings. A new low, even for Pakistan.

US kidnapper convicted

Ariel Castro was convicted after pleading guilty to over 937 charges including murder, kidnapping, rape, and assault. His sentence was a sensible life imprisonment without parole, plus 1,000 years. In an unofficial interview with the US justice department, Wonkie learned that the additional 1,000 years was just in case Ariel was a cat in disguise – that way all nine of his future lives would be imprisoned too.

COMMENT on Malema land grabs, Vavi, Zimbabwe elections & South African unemployment.

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If you’re ready to vote for Julius Malema and the EFF, you’re probably also likely to believe that you have a real chance to win if you buy lottery tickets online here or at this new Indian website. In fact, if you’re going to vote EFF, why not make your contribution really count by trying your hand at some of the best South African online casinos, or gamble online at this updated page instead. You could well be responsible for putting Julius in power. Wonkie also suggests that you look up the word “sarcasm”.

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Related articles on Julius Malema, Zimbabwe elections, Unemployment in South Africa, and Vavi:

  1. 5 things you can learn from Julius Malema
  2. Julius Malema – Role Model
  3. 7 Good Reasons Zimbabwe votes for Mugabe
  4. Vavi meets Zille to discuss their future

COMMENT on Malema land grabs, Vavi’s affair, Zimbabwe elections & Unemployment in South Africa.

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  1. Collitjies says

    Here we go with Juju wanting to copy his uncle Bob by taking valuable farm lands away from those farmers producing vast quantities of essential food for all to give to persons who could not even grow a crop of dagga without it failing. All of these farms would end up as desolate masses of soil eroded lands unsuitable for anything except khaki bos and other indigenous weeds. The country would end up importing or begging for food to feed the millions of hungry citizens.

    • Collitjies, not that Wonkie would know anything about it, but it’s not that easy to grow a good crop of dagga these days.

      Also, to be fair, let’s give Juju a chance – perhaps he has plans for khaki bos and other indigenous weeds. Rumour within EFF has it that those could one day replace nuclear fuel as an energy source – if that’s true, then who’ll be laughing?

  2. Collitjies says

    Bob said yesterday that their election as usual was absolutely free and fair, by African standards that is. He made it easy for the dead to be able to vote for ZANU-PF without any interfearance from opposition parties. There were only an extra 3 – 4 million dead voters so what of it?

    • Hmmm… perhaps Wonkie should do a follow-up piece on Spiritual Zimbabwe – if they have solved the age-old resurrection problem, it could put Africa back on the map.

  3. Douw Steyn says

    ANC has been promising since 1994 and NOTHING has materialised excepting a couple of totally inferior, tenderpreneured RDP houses yet Gwede and Collins pathetically drool their same old false promises song when their inability to deliver through lack of capacity and expertise in the ignorant Zuma sycophant ranks has only produced gold medal class liars, thieves, fraudsters, high living overpaid civil servants that contemptuously ignore the plight of the children, the elderly, the homeless and the unemployed. It is said that diarrhea of the mouth is the direct result of shit for brains and there are are many people voting for the ANC that need to get their fingers out of their bums so their brains can get oxygen and they will be enabled to see through the deceit and lies which are the foundation of the ANC electioneering drive.They have never and will never deliver on their pathetic lies because they cannot do anything constructive for the benefit of the poor anal orifi that voted them in or for the rest of the long suffering nation who have to listen to these insincere lies which are designed in an effort to ensure a permanent permanent seat on the gravy train. VOTE them OUT we have plenty of capacity across the demographic spectrum that will show them up for the liars, thieves and gold medalist false promises experts they are.

    • Though one might take your comment otherwise, but there is a truth in it. I am struggling as if I never put a hand in fighting for the New South Africa. What followed was the elections with a hope to build a better country but the outcome thereof was nepotism, corruption, election, better nepotism, better corruption , election, the best nepotism methods and the best corruption methods. I wonder what the the next elections will hold for us.

    • Eish, Mr Steyn – Wonkie detects a touch of bitterness here.

      Perhaps, you did not receive the official post-election ANC memo with the updated promises. If you did, you would see that they have actually over-delivered on those updated promises by 17 multimillionaire tenderprenreurs, several hundred failed fraud cases against govt departments, 84 diverted tax investigations on government officials, and 6,400 senior non-value add jobs created for friends and family members.

      Wonkie suggests that you request the latest metrics that government is performing so well against from Collins Chabane (the Minister in the Presidency with a very long title who apparently does very important performance-related stuff), before you claim they are not delivering on their promises.

      • Douw Steyn says

        Hi Wonkie! You should do more psychological profiling! You are spot on, I am bitter. Why?
        I am 82 years old and have worked in many sub-Saharan countries both pre- and post colonial rule. I was an agricultural extension officer in these countries but our emphasis was on community upliftment and capacity creation by the imparting of skills.

        As result of this I interacted with mainly rural communities with a sprinkling of urban communities. My experience in Kenya, Tanganyika, Nyasaland, Northern and Southern Rhodesia, (those were the names of the countries in the 1950’s), and later Zululand, SWA, Ciskei and Transkei, all served to firmly entrench in my mind the incredible caring loving, sharing and giving psyche of the African people.

        Even the terrible events that happened in some of those countries before the attained uhuru did not change this perception and I have striven, for most of my life to help black communities to rekindle the true african psyche.

        My bitterness stems from the current daily dog eat dog, uncaring, dishonest, red herring activities of those that have been put in positions of trust by those that believed their devious, premeditated deceitful promises and who are now pillaging the assets of our country that shoiuld be for all its people.

        Everything is blamed on apartheid, but apartheid did not prescribe that they, politicians as well as business people, emulate all the worst aspects of western (colonial) culture, greed, self enrichment, self aggrandisement, fraud theft and the contemptuous disregard for the poor and needy.

        To move from passive to active citizenship, from slaves to masters of their own destinies.” Clem Sunter once said.

        Of three major figures in modern psychiatry, Freud says that people want most of all to be loved; Jung says they want most of all to feel secure; Adler, that they want to feel significant.

        Evidence shows that projects in countries with strong civil liberties—particularly citizen voice, participation, and accountability — exactly what we do not have) — significantly outperform projects in countries with weak civil liberties

        The lack of capacity to absorb and constructively apply financial support and knowledge within the context of current needs as well as long term national planning has to be effectively addressed.

        “The body of our nation will only function efficiently and fruitfully when all parts thereof, no matter how insignificant they may appear, are allowed to play a part by being given the opportunity to exercise and grow the latent talents so long suppressed by the huge historical blunders perpetrated by scheming politicians and greedy capitalists, directly resulting in the oppressive, grinding, soul destroying and demeaning circumstances of their daily lives.”

        Some wise sage once said : “If you don’t personally get to know people from other racial, religious or cultural groups, it’s very easy to believe ugly things about them and make them frightening in your mind” and lack of knowledge of each other’s culture and language, translated into grossly ineffective communication will without doubt contribute significantly to continued inter racial misunderstanding and lack of concerted combined action.

        As John F. Kennedy said:” All of us do not have equal talent, but all of us should have equal opportunity to develop our talents.”

        The heart rending situation in our country will never be resolved by the politicians, the solution is squarely in the hands of the people, and if given the chance, they are more than capable of taking charge of shaping their own destinies
        Dr. M. Scott Peck, in his book ‘A World Waiting to be Born’ says : ” There is a yearning in our heart for peace. Because of the wounds – the rejections – we have received in past relationships, we are frightened by the risks. In our fear, we discount the dream of authentic community as merely visionary. But there are rules by which people can come back together, by which old wounds are healed.”

        Ambrose Bierce had a very apt description of bureaucratic values and beliefs: “Politics is a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”

        The late Chairman of the Board, and CEO of the development Bank of Southern Africa,
        Dr. Simon Brand, once said: “To alleviate poverty and open up economic opportunities, we need to liberate, reinforce and support the social creativity and self-managing skills of ordinary individuals.”

        Professor Franklin Parker said in 1974: “There is no simple solution, no easy way out of the dilemma except through the whole cluster of parts that make up development planning including – money, systems analysis, reform, co-operation, efficiency, enthusiasm, clearly defined goals, and determination to accomplish these goals. The key may lie in esprit de corps, a spirit of pride, an overwhelming drive to pull one’s self, one’s country, one’s region, out of the past and into modern times. ”

        Christine Ingham, in her book “Life Without Work” clearly accentuates the fact that irrespective of colour or creed, we, the many faceted nations of the world have the same need, to release the physical, intellectual and spiritual capacity of our people through improved socio-economic conditions which will only be visible if we generate in each man, woman and child, a deep conviction of their own self worth and capability.

        We can attain this if we all work together and relegate the gravy train passengers, both in and out of government, to the trash heap where they belong.

        • OutofAfrica says

          Mr. Steyn, to avoid such disappointment after an interesting career, it is better to be a cynic than an idealist; your disappointment won’t be so great.

          • Douw Steyn says

            Hi OutofAfrica! Thank you for your response, I wish I could follow your advice. The problem is I have come to love the wonderful old people and children that I have worked with and it tears me apart to see the poverty and suffering in the face of theft, fraud, and total disregard of the plight of the 70% of the people that live below the breadline in the Eastern Cape(my province), where politicians, civil servant and tenderpreneurs live it up in luxury cars, huge ostentatious mansions, frivolous and totally unnecessary waste of money parties, overseas trips etc.

            For as long as I draw breath I will not give up, the old fathers and mothers that dig in the trash to survive while the politicians party, the little street children, hungry and the homeless are powerless in the face of this contemptuous disregard for their plight and I do believe and hope that there is a way to relegate these maggots gorging themselves on that which rightfully belong to all the people of our land to the sewage recycling facilities where they belong..
            We have to continue the search for the answer.

  4. Kunle Leke says

    It is high time we stopped making Julius Malema popular by listening to his child talks. Listening to him we should realize makes him more popular. I think he is someone that never thinks before or after he opens his mouth, he should be ignored.
    The populace should be educated on the consequences of his utterances. If our father Madiba could and still preaches forgiveness I strongly believe people like Malema should be ignored because he is a time bomb that can disrupt the peace and unity of South Africa.

    • Viva J Malema! Thumbs up for the brave sons of Africa who are never scared to defend and remain active voices for the masses without shoes, shelter, access to clean water, land, and to those who continues to be treated as slaves on farms predominantly owned by ‘racist white farmers’ whose conscious to dominance is a shame. With J Malema….

    • Kunle, how dare you ignore the next president of South Africa. As things stand, there are more disgruntled youth in SA, than they are DA supporters. This would likely make EFF the most credible opposition in the next election. Now, if only Julius can beat off SARS.

  5. I agree with all the above….Ignore the little man with his foot shaped mouth. Somebody will take him out you watch.

  6. OutofAfrica says

    Julius gives credibility to the term “houtkop”.

  7. Piedpyper says

    How can a fat clown be allowed to start a political party that supports radical and dangerous policies? Its time to muzzle him by ignoring him and his cronies. It is a known fact that land grabs failed dismally in Zimbabwe, and for that, many Zims are flocking our country like lost sheep thus making this country a place to be with crime.

  8. Piedpyper says

    Its’s disappointing and embarrassing for our sisters to have consensual sex and later claim to have been raped. I’m totally against rape and abuse. The GS and lady X story is absolutely disgusting. For them to enjoy the heat of the moment in January or whenever, and for her to accuse him of forcing himself on her only now, does not make sense at all.

    If it was rape I believe she should have screamed or reported the matter to the police for doctors to have evidence. But to keep quiet for such a long time and then claim millions is not fair on anybody. This woman did not raise the alarm and went on to ask for him for financial assistance. Only God and the devil knows what really happened on that day. The law is clear on rape and abuse and encourages everyone to report i as soon as possible. But waiting for months and only then coming up with stories and a price tag is totally unacceptable.

    • True on paper, but unfortunately there is more than paper law involved here. There is a lot of stigma associated with rape, and fear after the fact too – simply stating that it should be immediately reported is not always practical in real terms. Still, the situation in question does sound seriously dodgy.

  9. What is one to make of Zimbabwe’s chaotic, presidential, parliamentary and local elections on Wednesday? The votes passed off peacefully. This wasn’t the case in 2008, when many people who opposed RM’s Zanu-PF vanished into thin air like a dog’s perspiration. The victor, Morgan Tsvangirai pulled out of a second round of voting after 200 of his supporters were brutally killed.

    Atrocities were committed against many supporters of the movement for democratic change. They were intimidated , abducted, arrested, maimed and killed. Dictator, Mugabe still imposes his will on the operations of the state machinery, including the military and the judiciary. This clearly shown by the willingness of the police to enforce the decrees of Zanu-PF.

    But when he said, I quote: “That’s a normal thing to do. If you…join in a competition where there are only two outcomes, win or lose, you can’t have both. If you lose you surrender to those who have won; if you win those who lose must surrender to you,” then i knew that something is wrong. One could only read from the the tone of his article that uncle Bob already knew the outcome of the votes. This old man is not willing to share power, not any time soon while he is still alive. If Morgan lose again, the MDC and its supporters are going to suffer, this time the worst consequencies ever, and many more are still going to flee that country. Only Zanu-PF and its supporters will remain. That’s what Mugabe is dreaming of: “One Party State”

    • Have you not heard, the AU has declared the elections free and (mostly) fair. What more evidence do you need that the election was not rigged? Come now, don’t be gullible and believe the truth, western imperialist propaganda against the black man and African nations.

  10. In the last 4 years, Zim has managed to pull up its boot straps. They looked like they were becoming a credible bunch of monkeys. Why?? because mugabe’s power was diluted, sharing government with the MDC.
    If zanu-pf takes over full power again all progress will be lost.
    Was the vote rigged or did they vote mugabe in again? Wether it be Zim or South Africa, the African black is destined to think with his sex organ because he has surely screwed his brains to hell.

  11. I will gladly join the EFF if its intention is to ensure that people have a land to live on or to start different kinds of businesses.
    I do not qualify for an RDP house nor do I qualify for Mortgage Bond. I believe that I could have been somewhere if the government was trying by all means to ensure that I have a land to build even a toilet.
    I do not like EFF and its leaders but due to the fact that it stands for what I want, I will really join it.

    • Bonane, Wonkie is certain that you and many others in South Africa will join EFF. The ANC had better take Julius more seriously, otherwise they may be in for a shock. Being a populist leader is about telling people what they want to hear – right now Julius has more credibility than Zuma in that regard.

    • a-maize-ingly-corny says

      SO – JOIN the EFF – and EFF-off to join “Uncle Bob” and his family of EFFing thieves.



  13. land repossession ? long been overdue .

  14. I can just see the headlines now!!! “ADAM & EVE CHUCKED OUT OF THE GARDEN OF EDEN!!
    malema and his effing gang move in and start building shacks. no flush toilets however!”

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