In breaking news this week Wonkie’s LikiWeaks monitor, Perry, spotted Julius Malema and his strategy coach Comrade Chipmunk in a secret meeting. Cleverly disguised as an ex-ANCYL member, Perry infiltrated Malema’s mansion. He then managed to gather some alleged intelligence outlining what appears to be Julius Malema’s detailed comeback strategy.
Malemaphiliacs and the many South African journalists who appear to be completely incompetent to write about anything other than negative Malema drivel, were ecstatic. Even local newspaper sales sky-rocketed this week to celebrate his return to the limelight. Jokes aside though, Wonkie seriously believes that a strong Malema comeback might be a good thing for South Africa.
Despite what the victimising media would have you believe, both youth and adults all over the world can learn some important lessons from Julius:
1. Every cloud has a silver lining – No matter what dire circumstances or disasters you’re faced with in life, grab the situation by the bollocks and find a way to make the most of it. Define your own silver lining if there if there isn’t one that is apparent. For an example of this, one need only look at how Julius skilfully mined the Marikana massacre – a tragedy by anyone’s definition, to propel himself shamelessly into the limelight.
2. Don’t judge a book by its cover – The amount of publicity raised by Julius Malema’s matric results some time back had branded him as quite the dummy. Consider for a moment, that accumulated wealth is often used by the general public as a proxy for success. Despite his fat and ugly exterior, and the burden of public perception, chances are that he is already more successful than you will ever be.
3. Confidence matters – People follow confidence. This is a lesson Malema regularly demonstrates. It does not matter whether you have the faintest clue what you’re talking about. The general public cares little about the content – regardless if it’s about politics, economics or personal opinion. As long as you communicate strongly and use a few of the necessary keywords, people will follow you like gormless sheep.
4. Be true to yourself – no matter how stupid you may look doing it. There will always be some people who think you’re an idiot. If you are concerned about them, rest assured you will get little done and live a life filled with frustrations not even 50 Shades of Grey can help you with. Make no mistake – this takes courage and Julius Malema has clearly shown he has an abundance of it.
5. Give your customers what they need – you would be challenged to find an area in life in which success does not equate in some way to giving somebody what they need – even if that somebody is yourself. If one considers how uncouth Malema generally is and his resilient popularity within certain sectors, one can only wonder what need he is satisfying. He may not be sharing his possibly ill-gotten millions with the poor, but what he does give them is hope. And that, Wonkie readers, is Julius Malema’s most important lesson for you.
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