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5 things YOU can learn from Julius Malema

In breaking news this week Wonkie’s LikiWeaks monitor, Perry, spotted Julius Malema and his strategy coach Comrade Chipmunk in a secret meeting. Cleverly disguised as an ex-ANCYL member, Perry infiltrated Malema’s mansion. He then managed to gather some alleged intelligence outlining what appears to be Julius Malema’s detailed comeback strategy.

Malemaphiliacs and the many South African journalists who appear to be completely incompetent to write about anything other than negative Malema drivel, were ecstatic. Even local newspaper sales sky-rocketed this week to celebrate his return to the limelight. Jokes aside though, Wonkie seriously believes that a strong Malema comeback might be a good thing for South Africa.

Despite what the victimising media would have you believe, both youth and adults all over the world can learn some important lessons from Julius:

1. Every cloud has a silver lining – No matter what dire circumstances or disasters you’re faced with in life, grab the situation by the bollocks and find a way to make the most of it. Define your own silver lining if there if there isn’t one that is apparent. For an example of this, one need only look at how Julius skilfully mined the Marikana massacre – a tragedy by anyone’s definition, to propel himself shamelessly into the limelight.

2. Don’t judge a book by its cover – The amount of publicity raised by Julius Malema’s matric results some time back had branded him as quite the dummy. Consider for a moment, that accumulated wealth is often used by the general public as a proxy for success. Despite his fat and ugly exterior, and the burden of public perception, chances are that he is already more successful than you will ever be.

3. Confidence matters – People follow confidence. This is a lesson Malema regularly demonstrates. It does not matter whether you have the faintest clue what you’re talking about. The general public cares little about the content – regardless if it’s about politics, economics or personal opinion. As long as you communicate strongly and use a few of the necessary keywords, people will follow you like gormless sheep.

4. Be true to yourself – no matter how stupid you may look doing it. There will always be some people who think you’re an idiot. If you are concerned about them, rest assured you will get little done and live a life filled with frustrations not even 50 Shades of Grey can help you with. Make no mistake – this takes courage and Julius Malema has clearly shown he has an abundance of it.

5. Give your customers what they need – you would be challenged to find an area in life in which success does not equate in some way to giving somebody what they need – even if that somebody is yourself. If one considers how uncouth Malema generally is and his resilient popularity within certain sectors, one can only wonder what need he is satisfying. He may not be sharing his possibly ill-gotten millions with the poor, but what he does give them is hope. And that, Wonkie readers, is Julius Malema’s most important lesson for you.

Leave YOUR COMMENT on Julius Malema’s life lessons and his comeback strategy.

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  4. Read the best Julius Malema jokes

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  1. JR Ewing & j malema The men you most love to hate! Can’t live with ’em, Can’t live without ’em!

  2. Malema has miscalculated the real situation regarding the ANC politics more specifically the struggle. Fooling people in this age is onlgly a temporary measure especially ANC.

  3. You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time. Which is just long enough to get you elected as president.

  4. Heaven help us all should that day every come!!

  5. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    Wonkie has said it all – or, at least, most of it.

    Believe it or not, J-arse teaches us an important lesson in life – IT PAYS TO BE OUTRAGEOUS

  6. Colette Brownell says

    This country has already gone to the dogs. Not enough water reaches all the people. Nothing gets done. Malema is a big ego tripper who preys on even greater ignoramuses than himself. I can’t see anything positive coming from his power tripping.

  7. Populist politics pays off. Throughout history loudmouths have assumed power for their own ends based on these 5 principles. It invariably leads to a diminished quality of life for the poor and the workers. It can also lead to war and catastrophe. Just to name few populists that were elected Hitler, Mussolini, Mugabe, Thatcher, Bush to name a few. In the case of Fatboy he is using populism for his own ends which will be catastrophic for South Africa and its all the fault of Apartheid. If our population had an opportunity to be better educated, for better jobs ( or any jobs for that matter ) for the economy to have grown more then the ignorant masses would not believe him and we may have better class of leaders.

  8. Igore the monkey in the cage at the Zoo, and he/she shall, after a few antics, slink back to a corner and allow you to watch animals at you leisure, but if you pay attention to it, it goes beserk for more attention, and in cases, went as far as to throw their own faeces at spectators.

  9. Alpha Omega says

    What makes a bad politician?

    See if we can spot any that applies to ZA:

    Ineptitude — Lack of judgment, will, morality and/or political acumen to effectively use office for the benefit of constituents.
    Corruption — Use of office to serve power, self-interest or supporters over constituents.
    Servility– Lack of fortitude or independence of thought to act on better judgments.

    These are in order of importance, but you could reverse these and portray them as the essential ingredients to a good politician — one who is capable, honest and independent.

    If you watch any campaigns, you can usually attribute anything of worth said about the candidates back to these three principles.

  10. OutofAfrica says

    I agree with you Garth that had there been equality in education, the ‘landscape’ in ZA could have looked a whole lot better; Apartheid sowed the wind and now ZA is reaping the whirlwind.

  11. Amazing that he is allowed to wear ANC Marked clothing and representing the ANC and yet he is NOT an ANC Member which makes him an Impersonator and as we know , a CLOWN and note all the Clowns that like him, not the Majority of Black South Africans though. He has a small following and you will see that they are the Wild looking uneducated Bunch of Baboons.

  12. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    @ Boerkie (and any others interested):
    Did you know that, like the collective noun for a group of whales is a “pod”, of fish is a “school” but of baboons is a “congress” ???
    What does that make the African National CONGRESS ???

  13. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    @ everybody – sorry for the bad grammar in my last post

  14. Malema is the best and I have following him closely and in Namibia too we need the kind of his character and yes ours Ngurare is an example because the two are known for taking bold decisions squarely in the interest of the voiceless but equally important citizens of their respective countries. These are youngmen who advocate on important national issues ittended to benefit the nation. The so-called seniors in the party they represent feel threatened and thereafter create stories and kick out political and economic intellectuals. Whoever does not share their ambitious policies is not African and don’t embrace the African proverb ‘UMBUNTU’. Me Choko from Namibia, Gobabis…

  15. Malema is a honest and couragrous personality, i would not be surprised if one day is president of the republic of South Africa, keep it up.

  16. It is sometimes good to fight for fame through defame other people but such tactics do not last for ever the moment people realise they will throw u out of political arena. There is diference between what the people want and what they say they want. If you nationalise the mines people will go hungry history knows that especially in Africa and most developing countries.Nationalised business seldom succeed because party members need preference on tenders and many other benefits Malema knows best on this one

  17. If you want to lead successfully one must possess characteristics of discipline follower,supporter,asserive but obedient otherwise you are faced with a dictator why replace Idi Amin with Bukaza or Mugabe only in the name of pseudo-false democracy

  18. I personal liked Malema initially even now as a person but what beats is his tactic of blaming Comrade z on everything I suspect somebody is abusing him banking over his conidence and economic ignorance

  19. Let me just look at Malema from adult learning perspective, if you believe in something make use of every opportunity to get it no matter what it takes you will eventually get the people who believe in u. Say it several times one day you will have followers. If its good fine.

  20. Horny, wot bad gramar.
    Likan, should that be liken as in arse-licken.
    Chepha, huh.

  21. OutofAfrica says

    It seems we have been hijacked!

  22. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    Hi ! Jack.

  23. Africa, Wonkie usually gets hijacked? This blog is supposed to teach us the infinite wisdom of Fatboy and what we can learn from the ANCYL. We must take note and not listen to the criticism of the ANC, instead we must praise them for the wonderful thing they are doing to our country. The voice of youth must prevail.

  24. Hi Garth. I pray that your tongue was firmly in your cheek when you posted the above remarks!!

  25. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    @ TARAVA – Garth has a long (and occasionally acerbic) tongue as well as a commodious cheek and quite often they are found snugly together.
    Who would have sarcasm any other way!!!

  26. Tarava. I firmly believe that Fatboy is the future of this country. A future plagued by civil unrest, increased poverty, balls to the wall corruption, uncontrollable crime, wholesale unemployment and an uneducated ignorant population.
    Oh! Sorry that’s what we have now.

  27. Malema is a honest and couragrous personality, i would not be surprised if one day is president of the republic of South Africa, keep it up.
    And will impoverish the country.

  28. Did anyone see the 60’s ‘shockumentary’, made by Jacopetti and Prosperi, titled AFRICA ADDIO? The time seems to have come.

  29. Malema awakened the unwashed hordes to the idea of “economic freedom”. It has now passed the point of no return. Further fuelled by the Marikana events, I believe we’re going into a future where Pandora’s Box will look like a box of Smarties. Guess how the masses see “economic freedom” happening?

  30. Johno, economic freedom is a slogan, it fails to address the real issue of bad government and the wholesale corruption that takes place therein. Fatboy thinks that land evictions and nationalisation will bring about economic freedom. It never has and never will. The Marikana event discourages investors who either wont come here and local investors will put their money elsewhere. There is no knowing how much the fat pig has cost this country.

  31. The government now has a perfect opportunity to nationalise Marikana, but it wont because it cannot afford to absorb the losses and it cant afford the wages.

  32. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    And the Govt can’t afford to have the “workers” striking against them – after all the “workers” are keeping them in power.

  33. I admire the fact that this guy stands up for his conviction. He is willing to stake all his capital on his beliefs and willing to loose it all if things go wrong; unlike some of us.

    Brilliant article!

  34. All of which makes the country ungovernable. They reap what they sow.

  35. if i was “juju” i will ask GOD for respect,understanding and late speak out

  36. Dollo, what are you smoking. This guy does NOT stand for his convictions. First he was willing to die for Zuma, Then was willing to kill for Zuma, now he wants to kill Zuma.

    Mackson, thank GOD you are not “juju”. One is more than enough. However if you ask GOD for anything ask for the ability to make your comments grammatically correct.

  37. Why hasn’t somebody given this monkey a bullet?

  38. Why is malema out his cage. It should be swinging

  39. Malema must swing in his tree and make noise, because he is a monkey

  40. [Removed by moderators – inappropriate/ hate speech]

  41. The reason we are in the situation we find ourselves today is only partly due to apartheid. The other part is due to a new regime (complete with dictator) which promised everyone who voted them in to power a free house, free car, free education and a good job just for doing so. The trouble is that they then failed to build the houses, provide the cars and educations and create the millions of needed jobs. On top of that our president went and told all the women in the country that it is their patriotic duty to have as many babies as they can as fast as they can and don’t worry about who will feed, house, clothe, educate and care for those babies. So now we have a shortage of basic needs put under even more pressure by a population boom which in turn tripped off an HIV/AIDS pandemic resulting in hundreds of thousands of child households and still the government focuses on who is to blame rather than how they can fix it. When the ANC took over power in 1995 they were handed an infrastructure in good working order with good reserves and a currency that was doing well against the dollar. In the 17 years since they came to power they have managed to all but obliterate that infrastructure, destroy the bulk of the jobs available and put strain on anyone who wants to create jobs and they have all but bankrupted the country. All our reserves are now gone. 6 Million tax payers are carrying the other 42 million + citizens and that situation cannot continue for long. The masses want economic freedom and they are right to want it, but the government is telling them that in order to achieve it they must just take it from someone else. So now the 6 million who do pay taxes are also the targets of the masses who want economic freedom. In the end only the political elite like Malema and his ilk will have anything of value. Everyone else will either be dirt poor or dead. It happened in Zimbabwe and it will happen here if Malema comes to power because Malema emulates all things Robert Mugabe stands for including mass murder and genocide of anyone he dislikes or who doesn’t behave like a sycophant towards him.

  42. @Gatvol: Too true.
    The same thing has been said in so many ways, but are any comrades or cadres listening? Noooo. The problems in ZA are multifaceted. ZA should have had a representative federation of sorts, instead of one man one vote. But the Brits, Americans and Australians saw to it that that plan was scuttled. Democracy does not work with tribal people. The mob outnumbers the sensible people. And the ANC will never give up their power. I see no redemption. You personally have options – you are not a tree 🙂

  43. Peter! Peter! Peter! Don’t hate em, blow em a kiss! They find it extremely disconcerting! Try it with the next yob who gives you the finger!

  44. [Deleted by moderators – inappropriate]

  45. @Harry. Perhaps the authorities should hang malema for treason in that very same tree that this malema monkey is shouting from

  46. Eric.This whole wonkie thing is a farce…you tell the truth, they don’t like it and just delete it!! “I do not like what you said, but I will defend, to the death, your right to say it.”

  47. @Tarava: I have not seen what Eric wrote, and am with you on free speech. But where does one draw the line between that and the crude and rude personal insults that are becoming the norm in comments and coarsening our society? It is so bad in the US press, that one expects a second civil war in that country quite soon. (By the way, I don’t live there, in case you wonder!)

  48. Me neither, Eric & Peter have been censored, so we will never know

  49. Tarava: Perhaps Wonkie is into censorship now to put the lid on contagion. Monkey see monkey do. All the crazies are looking for an excuse to go on the rampage and ZA has its own share of crazies – if you know what I mean!

  50. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    @ James – I have searched through all the posts on this blog and I cannot find any Harry (nor a Tom nor a Dick for that matter – though there ARE a few “dicks” here), so does this mean that you know the real name of one of the contributors or are you, perhaps, talking to one of your other personalities?

    Any Harrys here?

  51. I’m glad CNN gave malema airtime. The world can see now how stupid these blacks are !

  52. CNN, BBC RT, AlJazeera, Sky and our own SABC and E. all gave Tum Tum airtime which besides showing how ignorant he is, it is also an indictment of our country for all the world to see.

  53. And the new eNCA the old eTV international which covers Europe now as a new service and in the near Future other Countries and the America`s. The World knows about the IQ of this Country and Africa.

  54. In fact, I’d pay money to see footage of fat jelly-arse running down the road, squealing like monkey, being chased by cops busy beating him with a sjambok. Brilliant!!

  55. Boerkie; Don’t pin too much hope on that – America’s IQ is also decreasing exponentially.

  56. Malema is a dumb baboon

  57. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    @ Raymond – Is that why he wants to be in the CONGRESS ?

  58. You all are going on about How bad South Africa is, Africa and so on. Has anyone bothered to read a business newspaper lately? Seen the trade disagreements between Japan and the US? China and Japan? China and Japan on the verge of outright war over some islands? Think how US will have to pick sides with Japan if China and Japan to hit it again and how that will affect global economy. Also SA and Africa’s policies of exporting all our raw materials, and importing cheap worthless trade goods all the while having high unemployment and decline in mass produced industry in Africa? watch this space, it is all about to blow up significantly in all our faces. That just bussiness, now research world wide decline in morals, respect, family values. Now add how japan blamed chinese insurgents in the past and faked a incident to declare war on china in 1931, 4 years later adolf hitler did the same to poland. Now theyre at it again with same/similar trade disagreements. Your all so focused on a little old macro economic none-entity lik emalema, but lose focus of the bigger macro issues, until oh look, world war 3 and were all dead. problem solved what……

  59. YinYang: I think most of us are aware that global entropy is taking place but the topic on the table is Malema, not all the other ills of the world. I am sure you are free to focus wherever you like.

  60. OutofAfrica : thank you for your opinion and suggestion as to were i should focus, but your sadly mistaken if you don’t think global economy doesn’t impact the actions of South Africans like malema. Needless to say he is correct on one point, exporting our raw materials and importing cheap trade goods from the like of china and japan. That been said our new trade agreements with such countries impact our economy as well. Now if we take into account my previous statements, i might be tempted to side with malema even though they way he is doing it is incorrect, and now on the news tonight they chased him away, which is just what he wanted, because now he has a legal platform to grand stand on. We live in a democracy of freedom of speech, and the police decided his wasn’t as free as everyone else. And frankly global economy does impact our mines, and since malema is involved, himself as well. but never mind, I don’t post much, only when i feel a point in the subject isn’t taken into account or considered determining a single figure or a group of people’s actions and perhaps another point of reason for their actions.

  61. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    Our sushi munching Fat Boy, Jelly-arse has recently given us yet another lesson to learn – the lesson he learned from Brutus (if he ever read [or saw] “Julius Caesar”) – how to swear such loyalty to one’s leader – even to the point of dying for him – then turning round and stabbing him in the back!!! – What a classic !!!

  62. Fatboy jelly roll swore allegiance to his leader (JZ) and later turned his back on him, this is not a matter of loyalty or non loyalty, it is matter of political expediency and populism. He wants the support of the ignorant and the uneducated, he sees that they keep the ANC in power, so why can’t he win that constituency for himself.

  63. YinYang: YOUR = belonging to you
    YOU’RE = you are
    If you google http://www.anc.org.za you will read that the ANC is not a democracy, but self-confessed communists. So expect anything and everything.

  64. Of all the things i brought up…you are focusing on my spelling? omg
    That is really sad and childish.

  65. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    BREAKING NEWS – Julie-Arse is going to teach us how to stay in the limelight and, at the same time, avoid having the Sheriff of the Court serve him with an arrest warrant on corruption charges. EASY – corrupt the incorruptible!!!

  66. LOL, how telling that in his hour of need, fatboy has turned to a white woman to try and save his fat arse!!!

  67. The chimp better get used to swinging in prison.

  68. Take plenty Vaseline with you Malema. They know you are Gay.

  69. Go directly to jail, houdkop. Do not pass begin. Do not collect any bananas.

  70. Fatboy will never get arrested or having his day in court’ The cops are going to be too busy serving summonses on those who haven’t paid e-tolls.

  71. Confiscate his properties and his cars and bank accounts.

  72. There is something new we can learn from Fatboy. He wants to be president and the electorate is so dumb they will probably vote him into office. All the support for this fat pig is an indictment of South Africa. How can anyone, particularly investors (local and foreign), even begin to trust us.
    Given the treatment to other high profile criminals such as Shabby Sheikh, Selebi, we can expect that Fatboy will not get even a slap on the wrist. We will also find that Fatboy is back when that same stupid mob who put JZ into power will put in someone who will put Fatboy back in the ANC, forgive him, nominate him to Parliament and give him a high profile ministry.
    In reality he should already be in jail for treason, his verbal attack on a friendly state ( Botswana ) is an act of war. He hasn’t even got started.

  73. @ Garth. It is unthinkable that fat chimp could ever be president. We might as well close shop and all move out if that monkey gets anywhere near parliament.

  74. That’s what they want, all the whites, Indians and coloureds to disappear. It is an ideology encouraged through much of post colonial Africa. The theory is that if they get rid of everything, infrastructure, government, colonials, business then they can start with a truly African country. So many people live in poverty that they positively support that logic.

  75. Then we must level all the buildings, dig up our roads, take our cars clothes and appliances with us, turn off the electricity and water. The savages can return to swinging in the trees, which Is what they were doing when we discovered this land.

  76. Nev. Yes, that’s what some of the loudmouths want. Go back to the bush and try to emerge as a completely African culture. (with low lie expectancy, male dominated society, uneducated etc..etc..). Believe it or not it is a widely he’d ideology in Africa.

  77. Yes, I have always said we should have left them in the bush. Now they think they can govern the country. From trees to government. What a joke

  78. OutofAfrica says

    Van die pondok tot in die paleis!

  79. This is why I will not do any business with blacks at all. They just thieving baboons.

  80. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    I may not have learned 5 things from Jelly-Arse but I have certainly learned something about many of the “respectable” people on this blog: given hal a chance they will lump all members of any individual group of people together and judge them all by the actions of the worst – irrespective of the good done by the better and more open members of the same group.
    And when a “black” contributor passes an uncomplimentary comment about “whites” in general (as Mzu was very fond of doing), the “whites” expect to be seen as different from those who pass unsavoury comments about “black” people in general.
    Perhaps we should all learn something from the different kinds of comment in this particular blog – Yes; attack an individual for what he/she has said or done BUT remember it’s an individual and not a eace you are attacking.
    How many of you would seriously lump Thuli Madonsela and Lindiwe Mazibuko with Jelly-Arse?
    Chalk and cheese.
    Unfortunately there are many on this blog who think that chalk IS cheese!!!

  81. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    Sorry everyone – my keyboard is ucking up again:
    Line 2 – “hal” = “half”
    Line 10 – “eace” = “race”

  82. Africa Dearest, you are always correcting bad english. Other than Corny’s keyboard ucking up. This is the english as she is spoke in South Africa.. are you a teacher?

  83. Can’t wait for this bobejaan to go to jail.

  84. I believe the authorities attached his assets. The next step is to put the monkey in jail for corruption and tax evasion.

  85. Fortunately, one thing malema and his species do not have to learn, is how to swing. It comes naturally to them. He’ll be doing a lot of swinging in a prison cell.

  86. Garth Darling says

    It seems we have learnt something else from our fet friend and that is that he is generally disliked by the majority who comment on Wonkie. However we do know that he I’d loved by the youth, by the miners and by certain leadership of the ANC, which may be enough to ensure he does not go to jail, and that one day he becomes president.

  87. Garth Darling says

    It seems we have learnt something else from our fat friend and that is that he is generally disliked by the majority who comment on Wonkie. However we do know that he I’d loved by the youth, by the miners and by certain leadership of the ANC, which may be enough to ensure he does not go to jail, and that one day he becomes president.

  88. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    Garth “Darling” – your age is showing – you are repeating yourself. (spelling mistakes and all!!!)

  89. OutofAfrica says

    Darling Garth; No, I am not a teacher but I had a very good education – in the Western Cape no less, not Limpopo. Although I did live in the latter area when it was still known as the Northern Transvaal. Is there anything else you would like to know about me?

  90. Malema is very scared. He knows he’s going to jail soon.

  91. I fail to understand why the prosecution of woedwerk malema is taking so long. The authorities have all the evidence they need. Put the little bastard in jail already!!

  92. The Department of Corrections does not have an orange suit big enough that will fit malema. That fat black lump of monkey shit is too fat.

  93. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    @ Nick: the first part of your comment is very good and gives us a smile.
    The second part, however, is downright UGLY – regardless of how you (and many of us, including me) feel about the young fatty.

  94. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    If the moderators didn’t expunge the latter part of Nick’s comment, just imagine how utterly dreadful the comments of Eric and Peter must have been!

  95. [Deleted by moderators]

  96. I must apologise I made spelling mistake I used the word fet instead of fat. Possibly a Freudian slip or maybe it is because of all the fetkoek he eats.

  97. [Deleted by moderators]

  98. He does not eat vetkoek, he is a male Organ sucker.

  99. Boerkie, I am surprised that Wonkie did not censor your comment. We may call him Fatboy or fat pig or fetkoek or beached whale but to call the Kentucky Kid what you called him is entirely inappropriate.

  100. [Deleted by moderators – impersonation]

  101. a-maize-ingly-corny says

    Gosh! I hope you checked VERY thoroughly because it would have been good to see how Jellu-Arse reacted to all of these comments.

  102. Corny, Wonkie did not have to check because Fatboy is illiterate.

  103. [Comment removed – spam. People, enough name calling now. NB: Posting multiple non-value add comments using different names is going to get your monkey ass dumped as spam immediately.]


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