Julius Malema appeared before an ANC disciplinary committee last week. Malema was represented there by Mathews Phosa and the hearing was adjourned to today, the 11 May 2010. Wonkie decided that this week’s post would be best dedicated to support Mr Malema in his hearing. His immense contribution to South African politics, humour and the anti-depressant drug market shall not pass this day unrecognised.
Today’s disciplinary hearing is supposedly intended to tackle Julius Malema’s continued singing of the Shoot the Boer struggle anthem despite the song being deemed hate speech by the relevant South African authorities. Julius also naughtily called a BBC journalist a bloody agent and b*stard before booting him out of a press conference last month. He is also accused of undermining South Africa’s alleged role as mediator in Zimbabwe by openly supporting Mr Robert Mugabe of the Zanu-PF over the opposition MDC. The ANC Youth League, of which Malema is the president, were traumatised by the fact that some ANC officials had spoken to the media about the disciplinary hearing.
In other news and much to Julius Malema’s relief (from media coverage in the South African press), Teazer’s strip club owner Lolly Jackson was killed in a hail of bullets in Kempton Park last week. His unfortunate murder and related stories – mostly about Lolly’s scandals and humour about Ukrainian lap dancers now stranded without passports – made headlines for almost a whole week. Also in the papers, were stories about how close South Africa had been to losing the Fifa 2010 World Cup due to security issues. Boring. This once again leads Wonkie to believe in the understated importance of Julius Sello Malema to newspaper sales in South Africa.
So, in support of how we love Julius, and building on the positive momentum as we move closer to the 2010 kickoff, Wonkie decided to capture some of the moments that made the man so great. Please feel free to add your personal favourites in the comment section below.
Top Julius Malema jokes
(listed in no particular order):
1. Official recall notice from the South African Post Office (Source: unknown)
SUBJECT: Julius Malema STAMP
REPORTED PROBLEM: Stamp not sticking To envelopes.
REMEDIAL ACTION: The Premier’s Office allocated R1.5 Million to test said stamp.
a. The stamp is in perfect order;
b. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive;
c. People are spitting on the wrong side.
2. A range of excellent Zapiro cartoons on Julius Malema (Source: www.zapiro.com – please visit Zapiro’s site for many more!)
3. The Joys of Photoshop (source: various internet emails, WitGat, Watkykjy Afrikaans blog)
4. A joke spotted on www.theforumsa.co.za:
President Jacob Zuma met the Queen of England earlier this year. He asked her: “Your Majesty, are there any tips you can give me to run a government as efficiently as you do in the UK?”
“Well,” replied the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Zuma frowned. “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea and said: “Oh, that’s easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.”
The Queen pushed a button on her desk and said: “Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair walks into the room and said: “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiled. “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and Father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, “That would be me, your majesty.”
“Yes! Very good Tony,” replied the Queen.
When president Zuma returned to Cape town, he asked to speak to Julius Malema.When he arrived, Zuma asked: “Answer me this please, Julius. Your mother and your Father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” replied Julius. “Let me get back to you on that one.” Julius returned to his advisors and asked everyone, but nobody can give him an answer. Finally, he ended up at the V&A Waterfront and bumped into Mark Lottering.
Julius looked around to see if anyone could overhear them, and he whispered: “Mark! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Mark whispered back: “That’s easy. It’s me!”
Julius smiled and thanked Mark before heading back to Parliament to speak with Zuma.”I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Mark Lottering.”
Zuma got up, stomped over to Julius, and angrily yelled into his face: “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
5. Some great Jeremy Nell cartoons on Julius Malema (source: Jeremy Nell)
6. In case you haven’t tried it yet, if you go to Google and type in Julius Malema is you’ll get a list of autocomplete suggestions from google that read as follows:
7. Some fantastic satirical articles and swag on Hayibo including this Julius Malema t-shirt print that is available for purchase.
8. Wonkie’s own Is Julius Malema a racist cartoon post amongst many other Julius Malema cartoons:
9. Another funny joke spotted on a South African discussion forum. There are plenty more for you to check out on a site dedicated to Julius Malema’s antics – check out Classic Malema:
On a recent trip to the USA, Julius Malema, addressed a major gathering of native American Indians. He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for South Africa and how he envisioned nationalising the mines.
At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name – Walking Eagle.
A very chuffed Malema then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Malema.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of sh*t that it can no longer fly.
10. Let’s have your choice… please click on the link below and add your favourite Malema jokes to the comments section!
Wonkie wishes Julius Malema well over his disciplinary hearing and hopes that he gets what he deserves. Given that the turnout of the people supposed to be imposing the discipline was so poor last week, Wonkie will not hold it’s breath.
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