Last year, Wonkie published an article about how the high toll fees in Gauteng will entrench the legacy of apartheid. Now, it appears the day of reckoning is soon approaching as the controversial toll system officially goes live at midnight on 30 April 2012.
Wonkie had outlined 3 basic options available to the South African public:
- Start a revolution based on mass action;
- Refuse to pay high toll fees and let the government try to take legal action against everybody;
- Suck it up, pay the high toll fees and continue whingeing about it for the next decade.
Since Gandhi is dead and Julius is very busy, there just isn’t a strong enough leader to galvanise the masses to pull off options 1 and 2. If COSATU proves as impotent in addressing the toll issue as they have been in their political alliance thus far, Wonkie is bracing itself for a decade of serious whingeing.
Hence, this article. Wonkie thought it fitting to highlight the lighter side of e-tolls – something no publication has done in South Africa as yet.
According to SANRAL, some 300,000 morons have already signed up for e-tolls. But are they really morons – or are they just sneaky devils that have realised the future benefits of the high Gauteng toll fees?
A quick survey revealed 10 reasons to be Happy about Gauteng Toll Fees:
- You now have an excellent new excuse not to visit your mother-in-law over the weekends;
- For the small toll fee, the government, and possibly suspicious spouses, will now also have an accurate record of exactly which toll gate your car travelled through and when – so helpful if ever you get Alzheimer’s;
- COSATU will earn millions from Pfizer when they are asked to front their next Viagra marketing campaign – this money can in turn be used to create jobs (within COSATU);
- The DA will have one more thing to happily object to for the next 10 years and make no headway on;
- One day in the future when you’re paying R10 a kilometre in tolls fees you’ll reflect warmly on how cheap the currently proposed 30c per kilometre really was;
- You can now set up that company you’ve always wanted to in Swaziland, win one of those dodgy tenders to service the toll roads and make your millions;
- Employees now have a stronger case for “working” from home for a few days a week – woohoo!
- You can rest assured that your hard-earned toll fees will not be used fund President Zuma’s upcoming nuptials. Well… at least not his fourth one next weekend;
- The chances of meeting the girl or guy of your dreams will be increased tremendously because you’ll be out and about, waiting in line to pay for your monthly etag top-up or querying why you’ve been overcharged by 400%;
- And finally, even the South African masses cannot possibly be so stupid as to vote in the current bunch of idiots again after this… wouldn’t that be something to smile about!
So there you go – the toll fees are not all bad you see. In the spirit of keeping the vibe positive, please add any other reasons why you feel the introduction of toll fees will be beneficial to yourself or others in the comments section below.
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