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November 15th, 2008

Crime under control in South Africa

Crime is certainly under control in South Africa – sadly for South Africans though it seems firmly under the control of the criminals. An unverified source from an organised local crime syndicate stated that they are quite happy with the government’s effort to date and that they hope the authorities will keep up their hard work.

The police force has directed its efforts toward thwarting ATM bombings and cash-in-transit heists which had become rather popular over the last few months. For those who are not familiar with the concept of ATM bombing it’s been proven to be one of the most efficient methods of wealth redistribution – robbers basically bomb the ATM machine and steal the entire unit.. teller machine and all.

Sources on the street suggest that robbers are now doing MBAs and learning about applied process reengineering. Recent copies of a case study entitled Cutting out the middle man without using a knife has proven to be a hit at a local township business school. Robbers have subsequently adopted an adapt or die strategy and changed their focus to to robbing jewellery stores in suburban malls. The number of violent mall robberies during working hours have traumatised both store owners and shoppers. But it’s all ok though because the national statistics will soon clearly demostrate how the government has helped curbed crime in South Africa.

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^ 4 Comments...

  1. I want a bodyguard too - Zuma cartoon | Wonkie

    [...] … we know she can be a wild one. Of course it can’t be protection against violent crime in south africa.. that’s dwindled down to insignificant levels (small print: compared to inner city Baghdad [...]

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    [...] of South Africa is debating exactly what will continue and what will change. Crime in South Africa, for example, appears to be a very successful practice in South Africa – ATM bombings, jewellery [...]

  3. Kerry

    Very nice information. Thanks for this.

  4. South African guide to Canadian Immigration - Cartoon | Wonkie

    [...] the frustration felt by many South African citizens about the state of crime in South Africa. With cash in transit heists, ATM bombings, and regular mall robberies in addition to the uncalled-for violence that often [...]

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